33 in 2021

It is still early in the morning and I am very excited that it will be a good day.

Believe it or not, there is something special about the early thirties. I for one started off this chapter heavily, trying to revisit what the first decade of my life threw at me, making the next two what they were. It just didn't matter anymore how much of a setup it was for my behavior, what mattered was my decision to get over it and start taking control of the next decades to hopefully come.

Even today, I still have a calender for 2018(when I turned 30) hanging on a wall to remind me of what my taking account was all about. It's one of those you get from a grocery store for "free", with a cat playing on a car tire, all so adorable. I plug it on a wall in my room at my workplace, given that I spend lots of time in solitude there. I cannot go to the mini rest room or walk- through to the kitchen without looking at it. A deliberate position to never miss a chance to recall how strong I was when I decided to work on my mental health. As you can imagine , taking care of my mind meant a lot of changes needed to happen. I was a mess emotionally, physically, financially, but surprisingly, spiritually channelled. By this I mean, God had been getting me through a spiritual awakening. He had meticulously placed me in a new environment, alone, to get me to need him first, seek Him, know and count on Him first. The placement was to get to trusting, obeying and fearing him most! There was no real distraction any more. There, everything and everyone was unfamiliar. That is the one good thing I got from that place, a complete make over from inside out. It is no wonder, I got vulnerable to really discover myself. When I took the job, this was the last thing on my mind. If you recall how this blog started, Defining Independence Part I and II (posts) has this experience in tune. Enough on this, three years later, I am out here advocating to Self-Care and Self-Love, for I know how life changing this can all be. I know the fruits it bears, the consciousness it brews, as well as the wholeness it results in. I know for sure, His grace is so sufficient, I shall never go back anymore.

As I continue, an sms pop up from my father came up- "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALIBUSTO". My Dad and I have come a long way. It means a lot to get this from him so early in the morning. Oh yes, by five I was already awake. I am thinking my dad has to irrigate the garden or something and as for me, Im awake this early because I got anxious about this special day. I put it on my husband, who got me a cake yesterday's morning. It has been chilling in the refrigerator since then and the torture has been real. He did not make it a secret, my kids were so brave to make it through day without attempting to have their way with it. I on the other hand, had a hard time enjoying meals because all I really wanted was to devour the cake. Oh my patience! Thank you Love for the exercise, eish!

My plans for the day were to wake up last, invest in church Matters, straighten clothes(laundry) and prep for the week. We have been unplugged from noontime in our area. Ain't got instant means for data should load shedding decides to rule , you know data fees have yet to fall so spending over what is budgtted for internet access ain't fly. The only wiring from then has been making sure I give notice to the environment I am in fully. I feel so blessed by this. It only means, attending to those around me was all I needed. I had a nice haircut (Self-care) and had the pleasure of enjoying the company of my family. Right now they are all still resting, good for them. Funny thought, what would happen if I eat the cake alone? Hahaha, let's live it, I would not enjoy it.

I am 33 today. I do not think this has anything to do with my height (obviously - Lol), or my reproductive clock. I do not want anyone to ask me when I am going to have a third child( please!). It definitely has no relation to my achievements and maturity in general. It has everything to do with the fact that the Shandukani's were blessed with a baby girl and they named her Livhuwani in 1988. Elizabeth's only daughter I am. She is such an inspiration! Mother is so selfless, she is so fragile and brave. She still worries about her kids a lot and over the past few years I have had the pleasure of sharing crazy laughs with her, I believe more than I ever did in the first two decades of my life. I have danced with her and cried to her like I am still breastfeeding. I have earnestly prayed for her and do not plan to stop. My mom still manages to surprise me, she fulfilled a dream of hers recently and I am so proud. I love how our relationship has evolved into a friendship. Most people think this comes easy for mothers and daughters, it sure wasn't that way with our relationship. She has been the kind of mother who put her children first at her own expense(no surprises here). Now that we are older, she has been taking leaps to try and live a life of Self-fullness. It is still a tricky balance with her nurturing being, but I can advocate for her Self-awareness. I see it in the way she admits when things are hard, the way she enjoys herself, how she challenges herself, and puts her needs first while still caring for others. She has a voice and I know how this directly makes me go wild with mine. For a woman to exercise her right to voice is just something to embrace. Our self-expression thrives when we are not oppressed. You know what, this simply just matters.

Growth is relentless for sure. I do not normally make my birthday a big deal. I do however, make it a point that I spend it with people I love. I do invest in being grateful exceedingly. I also make an effort to do normal things like I would on any other day. I pay attention to what is being said to me and most importantly, what I am saying to myself. The midnight prayer was special and I got my first happy birthday then. To mark a day we're celebrating life, my life, is especially important, I will make sure I learn today about what is and who is. I am choosing to be present. I sure have no plans to forget that I Matter. This day is an opportunity to be grateful and graceful. To honor the great I Am, amen! 🙏

I thank you Lord, I thank you Livhuwani for taking interest in yourself. Thank you everyone for the wonderful birthday wishes. It truly matters to me and I can not imagine not letting you know that You Matter. That's right, I said it... Cheers! 🍾🥂

Here is to life, to love and to growth!

I really just want to eat the cake... 😊

Regards

Livhuwani