A Matter of Self-Determination!

It is a beautiful morning and I am very excited to go about it in a good way. Hoping for a good day and a good me in contribution. I know I have it in me to do and be good.

In just putting out those words, I feel capable of doing nothing less but that which is to grow my self-efficacy. Yes, I am pursuing growth in this way, the way that makes me recognize that I am a capable human being. Capable of expressing, radiating and excelling. For a long time I thought for me to be motivated, objective and positive, someone special would miraculously be at task to always push and get me to my growing ways. I thought it is someone else's responsibility. Even though I've always been that person who will randomly send encouraging texts to others, it wasn't a thing of reprocracy. At least, I am clearly just a sharer, always have been. Now that I'm older and wiser, I self-motivate more than anything. I am very particular when it comes to this. I honestly do not make it a waiting game, I am always searching on positive matters, aiming to grow on Self-Care, Self-Love, Well-being, Spiritual matters, Self-worth, Career, Healing, Mental health, Family, and I could carry on. I also try my best to feed myself on things that add to my interests on social media. Given the time I spend there, the influence is real, and this can work for or against me. As I tap into this Self-Power venture, I have this hunger to position myself in ways that enhances good decision-making. I know for a fact this cannot take a back seat.

In the words of George Eliot, “The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice.”

If you have been engulfed by depression, you will agree with me that not having the wits to carry on, take action, to move from, to express, to decide, is one of the most paralysing feeling ever. You not only know that you need to make a decision, a change, but you always fear making choices because you are at a constant state of disagreeing with yourself given what you've been through. Despite an absolute need to feel and do better, the numbing from having "failed" in the first place, having fell victim, the discomfort, the pain and disability from the truth of what and who you have come to be at that moment, disengages your belief that you can be anything but. That is when you are feeling stuck and convinced that events in your life are final. Psychologists probably have a better way of explaining or getting a patient to finally come to terms with this. The feeling that you have no choice and no will to carry on, is excruciating. I am being intentional here and put it out there, I have been through all that. Perhaps, this is why I am invested on self-awareness. One of the benefits of being self-aware is that you grow your decisiveness. You keep on trying to catch on your triggers so that you do not compound on distress, on anxiety. The more aware you are of your feelings and character, the more you become equipped into making choices that are best for your mental well-being, your approach to life. It is just an empowering sensation to experience and express, shamelessly. It truly helps in carrying yokes gracefully. I am keeping at it!

“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” ― Michel de Montaigne

One of my greatest strengths in this phase of my life is knowing when I am working against my own progress. Like many, I have weaknesses. I tend to think I can make it on my own. If I get to expressing that I need help, even if you do not know actually how to help, I immediately start having solutions. If I cry while expressing that I am feeling helpless, for some reason that is so healing for me. It is in those instances that the release prompts my reform. I can literally feel that I grew. I am very aware of this side of me and one of the scriptures that spiritually gets me off of my own way is in Matthew Chapter 7. In this book, I find courage to ask, seek and knock. It also assures that to judge others is hiprocracy and that no bad tree can bear good fruits. In this book, I get motivation to work on myself, to be accountable. The seed planted in me through this word is that I need to consciously widen my own horizons, cultivate Self-Power by asking God, seeking him and knocking on his door first. Amongst others, the "Let God Lead" signature of mine in my text grew from this. The choices you make, need to go through him first if you are a believer. It is very scary to be lead by anyone or anything else but him in your choices. And with no doubt, it gets lonely and horrendous too.

So to my belief, in making decisions, the best one will always be that which you take to the Lord in Prayer first. I am not saying I do this all the time, I am saying I know and trust that is how it should be done. This knowledge is power for it never leaves me. I am hoping it will always lead me into the kind of wokeness that do not let me fool myself into thinking I can do it all solo. I know part of growing is all embedded in opening up to help. I cannot stress this enough. Some of us tend to be self-sabotaging because we do not open up. If you have concerns that people cannot be trusted, how is trusting yourself working out? Are your thoughts enough? Is it showing that your closed-up-ness is making you grow - On your own? Your own understanding, is it not limiting your growth? I obviously have an answer to this questions as far as I'm concerned, it does not work for me. This is why careful Self-Positioning to improve is a thing for me. I am determined to grow out of my own bubble.

My Prayer!

And on this very promising day, I am reinforcing on a well-oiled motivated spirit through God first. A prayer to fear him, to seek him and be faithful in the knocking.

I am praying, Be my guide as I journey on to a self-determined beauty. I am giving it all to you, the choices I am invested on to keep warm and healthy. I am surrendering my influence to your purpose and my attention to your dwelling. Keep me oh Lord, as I grow. In Jesus name I pray, so be it!

I hope it helps you out with your journey. Grow your Self-Power your way. For your weaknesses and strengths are yours to work on/with. Be determined in the things that build your self-awareness. It Matters, You Matter!

😌(Many thanks to my husband, who contributed in this post, when I asked for help.)

Regards

Livhuwani