A step towards healing, acknowledging your hurt/pain.

Hopefully by now, there is awareness on the things you need to let go of in your life by being more forgiving. This is the reason I felt the need to highlight this fact, it is a process. It is not Grade R lessons on numbers, it is not about raising fingers from your right and left hand to count one, two, three till ten, and it is done. You have feet with toes that can get you to a twenty. There is more you can look at to get to a more forgiving heart. There are things to not be underestimated, such as the pain/hurt, and how real it stings.

Every now and then, I burn myself while ironing clothes. It hardly ever stops me from continuing, but the sting is sharp and can't be ignored. It is like the immense beating of the heart , so intense, should by any reason the iron come close to falling, hectic. The close event to the tripping and falling of the iron, is crazy unsettling. The feeling, the sensation passes quickly. The sharp burn however, can turn into a blister, to a possible scar, and for some reason you notice the effects long after the incident. I often notice the day after - the wonders of the epidermis. This is how many of us underestimate hurt. We wake up with a heavy heart, we notice body changes that aren't on the healthy side, we realize we have been stress eating, there is a bit more intake of alcohol for those who indulge beyond occasion. Suddenly you are not talking as usual, you are distant, you are bewildered, drained, unhappy, in slow motion, over sensitive or careless. Some unfortunately, face even more devastating things either than self- neglect. The intentional self-harm takes its toll and depression is sparked. I can even put on stoke. This is how it sadly goes at times, when you neglect hurt/pain.

To be self-aware is such a broad entity. It taps on both the attractive aspects of your being and the not so attractive. Knowing how you respond to hurt or pain is empowering for it helps you find ways to manage. Sadly, it is not always the case with all the on going life demands. It is often praised when a person seems to be "handling it" by completely moving on just like that. There will be talks on how brave you are, how mature you handled it. When the chatter goes silent, when data is off, the pain handles you. This is the most heart piecing predicament. You've got yourself and your pain/hurt making all the noise and until you acknowledge this there is a high chance that you never get to heal. We forget that it is also mature to admit to not being okay or well. What am I saying? I am saying, some times all it takes to find a way out from the pain/hurt, is to admit to it. Acknowledging this can be so liberating while denial can be so dire.

Another thing to be very careful of, is your pride. There is some element of pride that can put a shadow on how hurt you are. You will notice this through your need to claim you are fine and force smiles even when you are on the phone. You will constantly say you have moved on even when nobody asked you if you have. You will force things and be too involved in the presence of what or who caused you pain. When you are asked how you've been or how you are dealing with the aftermath, you will jokingly ask if there is anything to deal with. The one person who sees through you, will be annoying to you. This is so defeating when the time to lick your wounds come, however at the time of acting tough, you feel like you are just brave. Learn to accept when you are hurting and feeling humbled, it adds to your ability to forgive sincerely. Do not be like a child, who even when hurt by the park, when the parent asks if they are okay, they claim they are, just to cry later on during bath time when the friends are no longer around. It is not every time where you need to act tough. Avoid delaying your healing all because of pride.

It is now time to mention seeking professional counselling. We do not handle trauma the same way. Seeking help is highly recommended and there really is no shame in this. Put aside your fears of being judged and exposed, fear becoming depressed instead. Fear loosing the ability to move when your pain attacks you severely all the way to paralysis. Fear the inability to trust and love again. Fear the loneliness that creeps in when nobody is around. The distinctive inability to see anything good in just about every thing in your life. These are the things you cannot afford to neglect. The best thing about counselling is that, the process grows your patience with yourself and it respects time. It is absolutely about you, on you and not necessarily about the counsellor. The ears at counselling to hear you out are so wide it is the definition of being listened to in actual fact. The centre of attention is you. Do not miss out on this enabling environment just because it looks weak and deemed to be otherwise.

The first week of November 2020 is concluding as such. You should be more aware of how deep your wounds are, there should be comfort in knowing that you can seek help and gain more than what you fear to loose. I HOPE you have tapped into having a lighter look at matters of the heart that are heavy, just as well what can possibly make it lighter. No doubt what so ever, how you acknowledge your hurt/pain and even disappointments, matters to how you move on. Let your moving on be for your betterment, not your deterioration.

Regards

Livhuwani