Defining Independence Part II

Hi

Let me refresh your mind the best way possible, by throwing some thoughts and opinions. Independence is a journey, a destination undefined. It is a personal matter that requires You have faith in yourself and mostly your maker. It is a process that molds a Proverbs 31 woman. A release of inhibitions that are even hard to identify as it happens. This is where I believe You will find a sense of pride looking at where You’ve been and how far You’ve come in your life alone, and together with the people around You. Yes, influence from others is part of who you are as an Independent.

Back on my poor judgement of defining my independence based on my career alone (where um from)…

I have a very loving and supportive family, God bless them. I went through periods of self-judgement and doubt that diluted their support many times I must say. Though not much of a socialite, my Job truly made it hard to even be there for those family gatherings that so matter much. Family really matter to me as well as going to church as part of my Christianity. This was all “compromised”. I had a lot of time to myself, which elevated my unhealthy feeling of being lonely and rejected. The thing is for a man to be out there making career moves, elevates his sense of worth and earns him respect and admiration. For us women, the elevation comes with stigmas that You are irresponsible and even a suspect in being disrespectful as You become assertive. Life matters so raw You can’t pretend it doesn't matter.

As time went on, I soon realized I needed a support group and I did find it in a WhatsApp group (BELIEVE IT). The ladies in the group have indulge my over sharing and most importantly carried me through my journey in solidifying my playfulness. Only God knows how much I value them. Years have gone by; the group has become much quieter. I have learned to embrace this in a positive light that we have all grown and continue to grow since it started (Changes). Some of the ladies I started with have left the group and I have no doubt that I may have offended some. This is the con of being an over sharer, sometimes it

rubs off badly, leaving a bad taste. I am only thankful that the core of it all still remains ,sisterhood and encouraging one another to Never Ceasing to Pray (where I am).

The matter here is that being a woman who is all that and more matters, the world hasn't fully adjusted to this, though it is tried upon. All thee women empowerment cause out there in the jungle matters indeed. What about at home? Do You suppose perhaps family wise this matter needs more work? I mean there are women who end up leaving jobs to "focus" on family. I even did not apply for work opportunities outside Gauteng for years out of fear of not being around my husband/family.

In one of the books on the Power of Praying (3 in 1 collection), Stormie Omartian assets that prayer builds something positive daily. Prayer harness your truth as an individual. You are enriched by it. To be truly grounded is all about how you embrace your life experiences, leaving Independence to being a journey. Crucial part of a journey, is to find joy while at it and not wait “till you get there”. I do not believe a destination can ever be reached regarding this matter. I have learned to self-identify. This part, even men can take from.

I have learned to appreciate myself with affirmations such as telling myself how much I love me. I can say no to things and people shamelessly. I do not crawl up with tremendous heartache when other women don’t get/feel my vibe anymore. I do not have trouble expressing myself. This part of self-expression is rubbing off on my daughter. Power to her. This is where independence flourish.

If I were to be asked about independence some years ago, I would mention things like being able to buy pads for myself and not ask for money from anyone. This makes me laugh, because us women find it easy to feel neglected should we not get some attention. So, it must be crazy to pretend we don’t need a man’s care even if it is materialistic. There should be a balance established here. I don’t know why we get married and be defined through a man’s rib as the main component of our being and still not want to attach our independence to having or needing a man. I do not know why we get into a relationship and still want to be a standalone. Quite complicated hey!

I feel that it is necessary that I mention that I have tried being my own woman while in my marriage and it back fired because it shuttered the value of having oneness. This matter of being strong, brave, bold and all that requires You be very careful You don’t end up being A MAN. I hope You get what I mean. In other words, your independence as a woman is also dependent on being able to ask for help and allowing help when its offered.

Life is a wonderful thing. It is having its own agenda with You. You are obviously not in control of its eventualities. This is why You need to be present in this journey. You cannot afford to think You’ve made it, for it will suggest You are done learning. We both know that isn’t possible. Buckle up daily. Ride on yours with a grateful heart, trusting the timing of your life. Keep collecting life changing moments that defined bits of You. Take time to understand why You are the way You are. I should remind you of the following; Let God Lead, Don’t forget to pray and go fetch, develop and grow your independence patiently, it matters, You Matter!

Hope you enjoyed this and Happy Women's day!

PS: The lovely pictures attached are from an article on Times of India website that was published on International Women’s Day, March 2020.

Regards

Livhuwani