Enriched Heart and Mind : Aches turned to Praise

An enlightened time it is for me. How are you finding yours to be like? How is you? I am reaping from my sows at most.

This time around, I am sharing on humble reflections as well as the grace of it all.

What a year, one that affirmed just how substantial this journey of Self-Care Investments is. I really went through a lot, especially from March 2021 when I started focusing on Matters of Growth. Is like a switch flicked. The sense of urgency I felt in fully committing in developing myself was truly worth it. As I reflect on my piece on seasons to strengthened-inner-man, as the months followed through being content with being small but significant much, it is no wonder I tapped in self-positioning myself well. I had to be determined, consistent and willing to confront or reflect on who I truly am and what I am capable of. Myself belief grew and I felt vibrant. Consequently, this new found expression and development brought about changes. All those changes surely filled up my heart and mind with so many truths/realities/possibilities that had to be either from devastating or some amazing experiences. I have had my fair share of amazing ones, but what stood out was what was dressed as heartaches and headaches. To all this I am grateful, I give praise to the Lord for the favor, for His attention to what I was saying and doing, He saw how "real" my journey was and still is. You Matter is more than just a blog or a brand, it is my way of life.

It is no wonder really, if you think about what I shared on finding power in feeling empty in the beginning of this month because this is when God has more room in you to fill up. My aches are now turned into praise. I not only got triggered to deal with my past abusive experiences, I also found out more about my orientation, a better understanding of why I'm fearful of rejection and doubtful in believing I am worthy of being loved right. I got to understand and face the facts surrounding my susceptibility to manipulation. I needed to forgive this about myself. And though I was aware of how influential my past experiences are to my ability to trust and be vulnerable, I finally took very hard steps to acknowledging the impact thereof, to start off my healing process. I respect this process, it is not for the faint-hearted. Everything about me is affected, perfect!

There is nothing I found difficult more than to be patient with myself while this all was happening. I believe this is because I made that choice to grow so it kept ringing in my head and pushing me to not make that mistake of pretending I'm fine with just existing. I just wanted to face this matter and be done with it. As if that was ever gonna happen having made this profound commitment to love and care for myself. Remember, time is relative to ones abilities to comprehend, to let go and move on. So I had to really calm down and be present in this journey. My blog posts became less frequent for this reason as the year came to. I also had clear struggles with resting so much that I found myself not really having a choice but to, in the end. I was unbelievably exhausted, total body and mind shut down. Anxieties peaked and having to deal with misunderstanding and judgment from those around me was a real challenge. No distraction was able to shield me from what kept coming though. The more I kept up with facing my fears and demons, the more Self-discoveries came to light. Some revelations were warm and some were really defeating. I literally had less room to escape, hence the post I shared on giving into your truth at some point. Stole some real beautiful moments while at it, but the impact in my heart and mind, as the ride on growth matters continued, shook up lives of those around me as well. Let's just say, when change is genuine, it touches lives and influence an awakening all around. What looked like is just my journey, ended up being elementary to others seeing themselves as well. I am grateful for this, because it means it was bigger than just me, it meant You Matter really brought self-awareness, both mine and that of others. It consciously builds character, and that is a good thing.

Now, lessons to be more gentle in my self-delivery or expression, to apologize when wrong or right no matter how justified I feel, to be forgiving and patient with myself, to fully embrace my past and heal from it, to love and believe in my skills, gifts and talents, as well as be forever committed to my prayerfulness(my spiritual growth) were learned in the hardest ways mostly, though at times some of those lessons came with ease. I had already decicated myself to cultivate Self-Power with careful Self-Positioning, remember! Effectively, I got huge blows of betrayals while at it and had questions whether it is my fault or not, also, my account in the role I played to certain eventualities. I also intimidated a few and some attempts to bring me down were exercised, but I kept going and needed to separate this from what I was doing. I also found strength and tenderness in believing in my motherhood. I guess I became more assertive. I made new friends spiritually and definitely experienced losses of loved ones. It is gains and losses, pain and new found peace. When I chose to rest and not share last month, it was like my heart and mind gave up on something, and it was so, I gave up control of what was and is. This meant I surrendered to a higher power, greater plan for my good that I trust God has for me and those around me. I can safely say, choosing to rest made me shift focus from worldly self-awareness to a spirit-filled being. I literally suffered physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially, but grew spiritually. I am content with this. It feels like it is enough to carry me through. My rest surely is in the Lord.

My sentiment of never feeling like I am grateful enough will forever channel my attitude towards life, because I am thoroughly broken but blessed in ways that need fervent thanksgivings. I have room to grow further but empowered more and more with love daily. I find power in being transparent, so I will always be at better odds to face what needs work. My mental health care investments are getting me more active in making sound decisions. I see it in how I am less angry, defensive and engaging to/with toxic communications, as well as relations. In essence, I know the Lord more now and that means I am starting to discern things better. I need to fear(obey) Him more too. I wonder what it is you learned in your experiences in this year. I learned mostly not to run from pain but rather devour the lessons it brings. I am intense and intentional in most things I do and say, so it comes with a great dose of humbleness to think I had serious big falls this year and it is all concluding as it is, Another Lesson Learned.

I am wishing you all holidays filled with grace. May you honor your mind and heart to everything that needs your embrace and gratitude. May you serve yourself as much as you serve others. May you touch lives with what is most authentic about your self-delivery. Be at peace with what you cannot change or control, and courageous at taking shots at what opens up to test you. And above all, "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - from Philippians 4:8, so that you keep in line with what is of above in your spiritual journey. May God continue to keep you. Be safe and appreciative of what is not lost and still beautiful in your life, yourself included.

You Matter!, and Your Matters By LT (Pty) Ltd is grateful for all the support and engagement throughout the year. Be present and Merry this Christmas. Don't forget to pray earnestly for what is ahead, in the hoped for New Year! It Matters, You Matter!

Regards

Livhuwani Tshikovhi