Inflicted Imbalances

The day before a trip for some is all just a game of waiting while swimming in excitement. This of cause depends on who you are and the type of a trip you are taking. I will tell you about some of my usual trips, those to and from work. The one to work is usually filled with a lot of emotions and sensitivity to others around me as to avoid making them feel like I can't wait to leave. It is also packed with stacks of things to do to make sure all is in order for them to manage at ease when I am out of site and at times, reach. I do this with pride and pleasure for I value being a Homemaker. That said, I also do it with a lot of anxiety, a lot of love and attention to everyone else, and myself as the least important. This is tricky I know, it has its moments of some gratification and some serious drain to it. Needless to say then, preparing to go to work is not fun as it is when coming back because coming back has nothing to do with me preparing for anyone else. It is all about me finally going to be with my family, at home, never mind how it will be.

A Balance in this regard is what this piece is about. Inflicted Imbalances concern what at times we commit to at our expense instead of our best interest.

I do not know about other mothers/wives/women/guardians but as for me, balancing between compromise and sacrifice without feeling like you are putting yourself at the bottom of the list for the wrong reasons is at most times impossible to achieve. Have you notice how even when making a shopping list, your own cosmetics come last to mind? It is almost as if it comes naturally so, to go shopping for your own personal stuff, but you come back with outfits for your kids. When you dish up for everyone, your plate comes out looking like you are an unexpected visitor. This is a common occurrence in my world. I have been trying to take myself a lot more serious when it comes to this kind of things that exposes how much more I value other's well-being a bit too much to a point where I take less of a priority. I know what you must be thinking, it can be read as a good thing to be that devoted to others. However, it is also a sign of not valuing how much one matters.

As I try to find a balance to this I have found that I yell less and find myself having time to myself, doing things that matter to me. Finding a balance has meant that if I feel tired, I can just go to sleep with a pair of shoes not where they are suppose to and not feel haunted by the disorder it projects. It has meant that when toys are all over my surroundings, I yell not right away but maybe some three hours later when the kids have moved on to the next space to fully indulge on. A balance for me has come in waking up last sometimes instead of feeling like I will loose the award of being the most dedicated mom/wife. I have gotten comfortable at being spontaneous, having no serious planned meals on the table. You know, ask what others would like to have for dinner instead. A balance has meant that I do not let all rest on my shoulders but be open to letting others in on things, give them a chance to be involved. Have them find a need to make breakfast for me once in a while. Do you know how good that is? If you always wake up first to make it for others, chances are you'll never know. Lol!

I once wrote on liberating yourself from things that make it hard for you to be in awe of what you can be. Some of us are in our own way because we literally feel more worthy when we sacrifice ourselves for others. It starts in what looks small, like always writing tampons at the bottom of the list to actually not having a seat to enjoy a movie because you allowed others to get in first. This to literally acting like your hunger is not so relevant when it is time for lunch since your stomach is different from those of others, after a long meeting. A person will be like, "I'm fine you can go first" , then boom, all the drum sticks are gone and it is only a green salad left with no dressing. That is some crazy dedication to others. It may sound funny and silly, till it is your plate having just two colors. You will dread the second part of that meeting I tell you. Striking a balance to care for others and not being selfish has nothing to do with you undermining and undervaluing yourself. It has nothing to do with you taking the last place. It can't be about you deliberately striving to look in control when you are fuming in frustration. Is like how you claim is cool for people to step on the floor when you are cleaning or literally bring dishes by the basins as you wash them. Hahaha, really, you are cool with that? Deep inside, aren't you wishing they can wait for you to finish then pass or they can offer to wash the dishes with you instead? If you find yourself having thoughts that you are like a slave when doing things, trust me, you could be having issues with finding a balance when it comes to knowing and understanding that you Matter too, as much as your loved ones do. This kind of thinking can brew into a stew not so succulent but rather salty, filled with a serious bitterness of a heart. Not so long after that, you will be feeling unappreciated and used up. Come on now, look out for this things in your life.

All in all, a lot in our lives has two or more sides. It is a worthy cause to try and have a balance. Having a balance eliminates a lot of unhealthy feelings that tend to make one feel like they do not matter. May this awaken your view on things and how you are handling them. This right here is all because your sense of worth matters just as much as those of others around you. This is not always due to your selflessness, but your self-awareness. It taps on how much you value your own stability when it comes to how you are sharing your life with others.

You may have been told or made to think different due to how you have been presenting yourself, however the truth is that You Matter!

Regards

Livhuwani