Managing Expectations Part I: The Pressure You Put On Yourself

To be happy is nice; to be joyful is contentment having its way with just about anything that defiles what is settling. It is fulfilment in a state of being. It might as well be what some exponentially call tranquility. Yes, I just emphasized on being joyful more than I should. It is important I have come to realize. Feeling happy is good, being joyful is even better. The joy you feel is not reliant to when all is well, this is the difference. You know how the scripture reads; “Count it all Joy…” (In the book of James, chapter one) and illuminate the part on when faced with trials and tribulations, that is how much stronger being joyful from just being happy radiates. Now that we are aware that not all is lost, we can work on being grateful, joyfully.

The question on how I am doing has come many times and so did the answer; I am fine. In my mother tongue, there is this other standard reply to this greeting; “Ndotakala”, which if you get where I am going, it is saying I am happy. Really? Are you happy or it is just you being kind and answering a question that came as a greeting? Do you even think it over if you know it is not such a happy time or a happy you deep down? I do not actually. Honesty, I feel like I would say “Ndotakala” even when in hospital, when I am not well. This is the thing about customs, they are routine that go against what truly is, some times. However, when I am experiencing joy, I tend to be caught up in nostalgia; I can for some reason admit to all that is not well, except my soul. All that is hard to deal with, except I am not discouraged. All that is defeating my purpose, though I do not succumb. This is where I feel like I would be in a state of bliss. It could very well explain why I tend to get emotional when I am truly glad and grateful. It is always something that at times people may view as though I take things too serious or do not know how to express happiness. You are right, that is because when you are expecting me to be just happy, and I am overwhelmed with joy at that time. It feels good to find words to put this in perspective, finally. I hope I can stop feeling as if I was a bit too much when I cried while there “seem” to be no reason to do so. You know what; Joy is such an overwhelming feeling. Have you seen people loose words to express how happy they are or how they feel about something beautiful? This is what I felt I needed to encourage on through my personal experience first. Have the guts to be a different kind of happy, over what you think is expected.

To manage your expectations is really one of those things that can turn your life around. It is in the silliest things where we are often crucifying ourselves. Not only do we judge others harshly, we torment ourselves even more. One of the reasons for this is that we do not know how to manage expectations. They may be ours to manage from the inner self or from others. Many lives are filled with regrets and shame because a lot was done out of trying to match expectations made up based on something unrealistic. A lot of choices and their results have set up many imbalances, due to unmanaged expectations. It may be careers never wanted, houses not enjoyed fully, debts to close up and even blessings unappreciated. This, all because there was a benchmark on what we thought is expected from us.

On the matter of expressing yourself when you are delighted about something or someone, you do not need to be on the expected when you are moved. Do not feel the need to be shy about it either. When it comes to your joy, just let it be. This is one of those special feeling the world should just adjust on. This is one of those feelings many could use not being apologetic about. It is very annoying you know, when you are in the zone, state of gladness, state of calm and contentment, and people push you to “show it” and get “wild”. Hey now, some people’s crazy is chilled. Perhaps if we really get real on this, a lot of us need to just chill. Not everyone will express joy by posting on social media. Not everyone who is discrete is just secretive. Some people will not dance on their wedding day as I did. Some people will not feel the need to show off. It is not always about being uptight and even too much, it is preference. Many times, we live forgetting that we are different. We make up realities in our minds over other people’s lives just based on what they choose to let us see, and decide if they are cool or not, happy or not, successful or not. This is failing us at actually paying attention to ourselves. You know how you will be assuming people are always happy because you have never seen them fight or shouting? Yes, like how children do when it comes to their parents. Well, I know of diseases that need confirmation through Magnetic Resonance Imaging. I know we are not all QUALIFIED to give such diagnosis. We at times even give prognosis on how it will be for others in the future. We go as far as putting our lives against that of others, as is indeed, our initial thoughts and impressions on them is the real form. How about we take a notch back a bit. Too- much –pressure- here!

There is so much pressure on many other things of which we put on ourselves only because we looked at what is out there. Parents fail miserably at managing their expectations once they start growing their clan. You will realize this when they start comparing their children. “I thought you would be more like your brother “. Then there are times when we even look at other families and be pained at what we decided could have been much better if it was as such in our own families. I cannot emphasize how much easier I have found myself existing when I do not look out there too much. There is often a lot of focus required in oneself. I am not talking about selfishness; I am talking about taking interest in what authenticity in your life can manifest for you to be great. The same with our precious families, we need to embrace having our own traditions more. It really matters that as we strive to be in our best form, we forget not how different we are as individuals. Be mindful that there are healthy expectations and positive pressures that add value in our lives, one of those is being proactive. I am on managing expectations for this very reason. Let us check ourselves!

I hope this will get you thinking about what needs a shift of focus in your life, especially now as the festive season approach. Remember, this is all worth it because You Matter and you deserve the attention. Until Part II comes, keep investing in you.

Regards

Livhuwani