Managing Expectations Part II: The Response You Give...

It has been going on alright, very much so. So much good is all around just as well as the ugly. This is one of those things an adult should expect. No surprises here, we are living.

The thoughts that came to your mind after the long introduction on management of expectations? I will be positive and believe that it gave you something to recognize about yourself and how you handle both the expected and unexpected. It is really about our reaction to things that we feel and "think" should and will be. When I started venturing on business, I was so sure that it would be tough considering I have a very small social circle and after all, selling Avon has been done for a long time. The main thing for me was to put theory work from my business studies to practice and I was a bit selfish in this accord. I was sure that I would be opening doors i have closed for good reason, like going back on Facebook. The best part about this venture has been finally getting to express myself in this way. Investing in myself is something I had been neglecting for a long time, and my expectations on finally putting my plans in actions on matters of self-development highly dependent on reinforcing the fact that I Matter.

I then found that, I am actually a firm believer in my capabilities, it is just that I spent too much time fearing the person I am becoming now. I spent too much time nursing other peoples goals. I thought supporting others alone is enough purpose to go by, forgetting I too need to understand that I am enough and deserve to lead in my own life, right before God. The respond i got from direct selling and blogging, has been nothing short of amazing. My reaction to this has been to continue reaffirming that I matter as I am, and that others matter as they are and we all can use encouragement to keep investing in ourselves.

This is not what I expected to discover, considering the social media streets are so not realistic. It turns out, given that I knew this was about my own self-development, it would only go south if I try to make it about anyone else. I mean, there is nothing tough about this, I am just thoroughly challenged and having more reasons to expand my horizons. I love what I am doing for myself, and if it encourages others to do the same with their lives, then may more victories be won in this race. The expectations I had were painted with a lot of requirements that if I went on to share too much with too many people, who knows, some may have said I am too ambitious, there is no profit, why would you travel a road already traveled by so many, everyone can blog if they want-what is so special about you? Expectations...The real matter here is that what I thought is not exactly what is, and it hardly ever is whenever a person starts something new. When you are deliberate in changing your ways for the better, it is important you remember the reasons why there is a need for that and try not to focus on what can go wrong based on other people's views. As of now, it is clear that a lot of people can do the same thing, however, for different reasons and in a different manner. Therefore, expectations to succeed or fail cannot be based merely on others, rather focus on you.

Let us be honest, if you start a business with no clear target market, you may have a hard time knowing where and how to conduct it. I was sure i am my own target market, and believed i would attract a few there and there. I am the one who needed to investing on. It is personal and I was clear in my planning. This has helped me not to loose my mind when family members and friends didn't buy self-care products from me. It also meant my gratefulness when they show any other form of support besides just actively buying products/services was and remains overwhelming. No one is obliged to buy into your business because they are close to you, this expectation is flawed and unhealthy. The same with most things in life that are about you, other people have their own things about themselves to be managing their expectations on. Let us even highlight the feelings of entitlement to the ones we close to in this topic. Take this for instance, just because you fell in love with the one you love, the rest of those you hold close to your heart have no business falling in love with them, they can work on acknowledging how important "the one" is to you, respecting and accepting it and them. Should they also warm up to them, well then, let there be love all around. Do not feel entitled to every relationship that develop so forth in this regard. You are never entitled to decide how other people warm up to one another just because you are the common party, you are only a formidable influence. To be realistic in your expectations here would be to understand that even the ones you love, won't like everything about you. Another burning issue destroying good relationships is this notion that if you are close to me, I must invite you in every form of ceremony I host. Is there a rule somewhere I missed on this? We cannot be expecting to be actively part of everything that goes on in the lives of everyone we care about. That would mean we do not have enough time for our own lives separate from others. Let us get real on this, do you loose anything if you just express your well wishes, sincerely, though you were not present in whatever ceremony that went on? Manage your expectations.

The one element that has made me spiral into depression at one time, was going on, on how life is not fair. Whatever expectations there are in this regard, the danger is real. Life is not fair, do not expect it to be. We are not equal, nor really the same. We are a people for sure. We are all human beings. However, the quality of being humane is so far apart. The gifts bestowed to us differ. Our struggles may have the same title, but in our experiences, we learn and develop differently. This is to say for example, just because we have the same colour of skin, it do not mean you can relate to my story, always. Not every African is struggling, not every white person is privileged. I may be short, and you tall, however, how far i can reach maybe how further not you can go. Do not expect for everything you see to be final. Do not expect for historical backgrounds to be relatable. When you are making lemonade with lemon juice (lemons), someone maybe just using the zests for baking. What you hold close in your life, is the last thing the next person considers as significant. The expectation that when you are kind to others, they too will be kind to you, can lend you into disappointments that position you into having a heart full of hate. It is only about you doing what you WISH done unto you, some wishes (if not most) do not suffice one should remember. Manage your expectations on this and see how better you respond to rejection and being misunderstood. Just by having realistic expectations on this, saves you a whole lot of unnecessary arguments even and enables you to develop a more peaceful way of co-existing, you become more understanding and accommodating.

Likewise with my goals as far as this blog is concerned, I can not expect you to always get it, like or even feel encouraged by it. I can only keep at it with hope that one way or another, when you recall on this platform, "You Matter" will be what you hold on to. There is not much really to do about your reaction, there is just my own expectations to get a hold of. This is just about it, clear and realistic as it is, let us try our best to get proactive and manage our expectations.

This coming holidays, a realistic expectation would be that not every family member will show up in the usual gathering. Healthy expectations include a lot of unusual-ness for many and from a lot of traditions. You might find that having a braai without inviting your neighbors over as you normally do(minding your own business), can mean they slept hungry. The expectations you have that Christmas lunch at church will cater even to the non-congregants in the community, is rather compromised this year and you will have to take the lunch to them. New clothes for kids may not be viable financially, however the clothes your child no longer wears that are very nice, to another they maybe the best. The heart may want what it wants, however, life and circumstances may be giving what it needs. Let us all invest in having a little more understanding, in being more generous. It Matters, You Matter!

Regards

Livhuwani