Stay the course...

This morning, this week, I am staying firm in doing the right thing(s). It may not be an easy road, just worth it.

Back in my right of passage - schooling days, one of the fears I had was of cheating on my studies. I had no stomach for copying. It came across as being stingy to a lot of my school mates. At basic learning phases the general dislike for my strong stand in not doing what others are doing was not much of a big deal. It was cool, considering the healthy competition to be number one with fellow pupils. It was a big puff in the chest to do excellent over those who cheated. This was reaffirming to my stand, it is not worth it to cheat.

In higher education phase, with all the hype of being a freshman and absolute jungle to sort myself out , "in control" and with mostly new faces that lead to new experiences, my firm stand in not deceiving myself when it comes to school work was on its peak. At this level I had some serious backlash for it. If I didn't know better, I was cast out for it and probably hated. The issue here was that I do not let others copy from my work and I also do not cheat on school work. The peer pressure didn't get me to fall, however it truly knock me out there and there as far as my performance was concerned. I can remember the joy others had when they believed they did better than me with their successful "copying" ways. I remember the strength it took for me to maintain my composure as the marks came out. It was always a matter of doing well for me. I had full confidence in always passing for I was not bad at learning, to this day. As most of you know, varsity life is an absolute chaos depending on how changes get thrown at you, all at once and who you are trying to be. I believe it is somewhat a time where you make some of the craziest choices trying to fit in and also learn what you are capable of, as well as your limits. One can be worrying about the few outfits they have, convinced they are poor, destined to wear the same pair of Jean over a full year while the next student is having their pick on which Carvela shoe goes with their belt. To eating pap and tin fish daily, from morning to night and others having bacon and cheese for breakfast and a nice take on chicken dust for lunch, (just imagine their what's for dinner). Dating and studying at the same time was on the cards. I did try it out and it did take a toll on my focus, consequently. Knowing me and my sucker for love nature, I didn't stand a chance really. What balance did I think I would manifest? This was an experience.

The beast varsity was, taught me that my fears of cheating on school work actually was a character trait building. It turned out I just don't like taking what would come across as the easy way out. I started realizing this when I first failed a course. I was adamant to write a special exam(avoid repeating) to compensate my ego. I did pass, but that standard mark you get whether you got a distinction was brutal. I then started appreciating just managing to pass modules rather than getting distinctions. I started getting humbled by the demands of being a good student and a good person, overall. I was having a jolly normal life, full of complications. It was becoming clear what adult life would demand. The ultimate conviction came when I failed one course, which was not even a major and had to repeat over a whole semester with the record time dream to completing a degree gone. At this point, I truly had to learn that to fail is only but a delay, for real. At this point, even dating life was requiring a lot more maturity. I finally got off from my dilemma of making it through a long distance relationship. I started making choices with deliberate intentions to just explore on love, having room for disappointment. I can say, while repeating that one module in just a few months of 2009 gave me a new perspective on what I believe a new dawn and a real shot at adulthood promised. A lot of life changing events happened in just that one year. I even got a lot more time to spend at home with my mother, watch her make something of herself, after all she's been through. It was a beautiful time now that I think of it. I was having less noise on miniature thrills, and a whole lot of issues resurging to what I can say, needed to be dealt with for my deliverance in a long run. Some real work needed to be done, in me!

To pass that one module, meant more than being an undergraduate academic wise, it meant I was brave. It meant I was well in my way to making informed choices. I had time to face my failures and rise above them. It was one of the hardest but yet best year of my life. Some of the choices I made got me to what turned into a firm family today . I can only imagine how things would have not turned out if I did pass in 2008, to graduate in 2009. I do not imagine what could have happened to me if I didn't value being of integrity with my studies. It helped shape the person I am when no one is looking. I have no regrets in this regard. I value what I achieved and even more so what I lost out on. It is another fine addition to staying compatible with my conscience. It is another reason to trust the process to a better me. The rough diamond taking shape then, has made way to a sparkle there and there today. I can be proud of myself even with the failures I fell into.

Inspired by a sermon on having peace with your scars I was fortunate enough to experience through Facebook last Sunday, I write this as I am working on being calm this week . I believe if you go through my Facebook timeline, you will find it(the sermon) as I shared with care. It was calming to my soul thinking of where I am coming from after listening to that sermon with my spiritual ears. I found it to be a matter of reaffirmation. It seems I am attracting what I am about and I am thankful for such a wonderful consequence.

I am loving the relationship I am developing with myself, as a whole. Investing in myself continues to matter and I am loving it. I put this on Philippians 1:6, which is attesting to the abilities God has in finishing what he starts in all of us. It is such good reassurance for the word clears up that the work to be completed in you is not just "work" but "a good work". Do you fathom the emphasis in that? You can rest peacefully when the road you are taking is stripping you off, to a few gained enemies and even delays. This just means he is still working it all out for your good. Stay the course, it matters, You Matter!

Regards

Livhuwani