The Knack for Love

It is March, my bravery always grows in this month. So, I'm writing about Love.

The tenderness of Love (Childhood Expression)

I can share on this through many experiences from my childhood. But, having probably mentioned this before, back when I was a child I had this will to teach that I would mess up my father's garage, writing on the wall, imitating my teachers to a few kids in my hood. I truly did this with a heart filled with good intentions and yet so unaware of the growth it needed. I believe I had the Knack for some caretaker role. I can remember it so well that some of the kids were smarter than me. This did not stop me from being part of their lives in this way. There would be this party club for us, wherein we collectively came up with activities to do and special occasions to celebrate. We were full of spark, modelling our way to being the most vibrant kids in the community. It was lovely, a notable part of my childhood worth mentioning. I would go from home to home on Sundays , making sure the road to Sunday school did not leave anyone behind. I wonder who on earth I thought I was, but I am sure it had something to do with Love. To this day, I recall how passionate I was about those kids. I had so much room for them to grow in love. I look back now, considering the stuff that was going on at home, I actually needed those kids, those activities and company more than I realized. I had so much love to give and plenty of room to grow, I was a child.

Coming to age(Finding my Love Language)

I have this platform to share my love with some experiences of cause of what heartbreaks have marked in me and the madness or foolishness in the joys that come with love. I have grown and love has shown me flames. I have been a learner of note when it comes to love, surely like most of you. The things about loving others I have learned the hard way is that, you are not owed to receive it back when you give it. You are not entitled to have the love you give to be returned. And, there is always room to grow when you love. Love is really about letting your guard down with hope that it will be worth every strike. It is the fight that leaves you bruised internally but also sets you free from thinking you are emotionless outwardly. It makes you do "stupid" things, at times making you justify your irrational. It also however, gets you changing your mind on what this life is all about. Love is actually about servanthood, it needs sincere acknowledgement of the weaknesses it subjects while strengthening your innermost being. To be objective in love, you must love without any need of guarantee that you will be loved back. This especially to a mere being. Much like Matthew 7:12, You only hope you can receive it likewise as you serve others.

Love in Giving up Control

I got knocked down in love hard some time ago, and it effectively left me worn out. But, honestly, everyday love tends to string our cords somehow. We get to lose our tune here and there, over and over. But in reflection or reference to “sometime ago”, I realized I wasn't going about it the right or healthy way. Yes, I found that I don't need to be so in control, so aware of what those I'm loving are up to. I realized I need to let go of the leash. I learned to afford loved ones room to make their own mistakes, deliberately let them make wrong decisions to be specific. I gave up the need to be right, over explain why I care so much to justify why I'm so invested in them the way I was. I finally had a defeating experience of realizing, loving someone doesn't mean I must be part of their everything because that would mean they have no room to breathe, to be individuals, to be free. I learned that they need to be able to make their own choices on how and when they want me to part of their daily. It has stuck this lesson through the challenges, tears, disappointment, shame, guilt, regret and changes. It didn't come through flowers and romantic dinners, it came through loneliness while in a relationship. It had to be my kids requiring more quality time with me than the toys I could buy for them. Because, while I can hustle and get them jumping over what I bought them, it won’t make up for the bedtime kisses I didn’t give, hugs and cheer for their downfalls and achievements as they happen, nor the values and principles I instill in them through teaching moments that require presence. Love lessons came through resentment while being told “you are my everything”. It came through hate but being so sure I still love. It came through the truth that Love needs a lot more colors than just the one you prefer. It has many expressions of compromise, compassion and compliments. This I best learned of cause, with the kind that is romantic love. Yep, you need to be very honest with yourself about this kind. You won't be truly loving your chosen one if you have no love for yourself. Instead, you will be of unhealthy dependency, expectations and projections. And oh dear, that will leave you depleted. So, learn to give up control of your loved ones so that they can love you and you them at free will.

Spiritual Affair in Growing through Love

Spirit-wise, in the past four to five months, I have been sharing a lot heavier. And this is all because of Love. What other emotion can get you heavier or lighter really, if it isn’t love. It can be the romantic affair, family affairs and one that most really sleep on, Self-Love. I am telling you, once you develop a sense of love for God and yourself like I have, if you finally realized how much of it you need to self-provide instead of laying it all in/on your kids, husband, friends, family, job and even material things like I have, you will have noted how different you see, comprehend, share and even define love. You will have noted how much of a child in you is required, in being comfortable with being vulnerable in your trusting, caring, forgiving and understanding. Like a child, as I was, you will have come to enjoy just giving it even when you have no signs of practical reference and reflection that the recipients acknowledge your Devotion. You are like this crazy person who looks weak outwardly, probably quoting verses like I've been doing, because you have found that to love is a service that has an impact beheld within. By the time you see it's fruits, you have moved further into your best self. You have harness gratefulness that leaves you at peace with who you've been, are and becoming. And this is very fulfilling because it needs no recognition by anyone else except you and the Lord.

The Love of Self

I turned 34 this week. I feel rather adjusted to changes at this time of my life, considering how I use to see life. I say this with acknowledgement that everyday presents its own qualities that qualifies more and more changes. I am a mother, so I know how every moment is forever teaching. I am a wife, I know how each day needs work to be faithful and hopeful about the vows I made to God, beheld committedly while so unknowing of where the other half's heart and mind is at. I know about the constant need to develop individually but with patience and compassion of self. All this matters, requires that you respect the need for love and how it truly makes the world go round. Much like a certain singer expressed that what the world needs now is love, for it is the only thing that there's just not enough of, if you are at my age and still waiting to be shown love instead of giving it, you are probably wasting your valuable time in this world. Love is more about what you can and should give, not receive. I will reference scriptures such as Acts 20:35 and I Corinthians 13:2( The whole chapter actually). I am so happy that at this age, all I know is that my growth now speaks for itself. I no longer want to prove to anyone but myself that I Matter. I am most thankful for all my trials and tribulations, because they made me this way, and my way now is closer to God in everything I do and think of. May he continue to Lead me. I'm thankful for life, thankful for love, for I am now aware of how precious it is, especially if it is all about giving. In the investment of giving and showing love you have a peace that surpasses understanding. You do not long for more than what is, because you have prioritize pleasing God instead. Surely, no one compares to God here on earth, so expectations end up well managed on what could or many not be received. On the other hand, in the expectation and demanding to be loved, you carry with pits of bitterness and dissatisfaction. So, the point of departure from the self-inflicted pits of love is embedded in self-positioning to better care and love yourself. This way you will have learned to be self-compassionate and then be able to take others as they are, in their expressions of love.

Open Heart and Mind

Love is really something that deliberates a chain of events in one's life that needs an open heart and mind to the injustices of this world and a recall that actually, truly, for a believer, a Christian like me, no one comes close to God. No one fulfills like him and it is not so much of a turn off but a good thing that leads to your elevation, your pivoting, as it humbles. When you are humble and willing to be humbled, you have a certain appreciation for humiliation, betrayals and hurt just as more importantly, of honor, respect and grace. So, it is all so good and well to be taking those chances in love, to be believing it exists and that it is the greatest of all. It really matters that you develop a knack for it, be bold enough, simply because you matter in the most loving ways, more than you can imagine.

May God richly bless you with opportunities that projects growth in love.

Regards

livhuwasha