What won’t you do for Love?

The shape of true love isn't a diamond. It's a cross. —Alicia Bruxvoort

Be the cover up, an ally to their shortcomings.

A Willing accomplice to a crime they committed.

Go on hungry for theirs to fill-up instead!

Sleep on a chair numerous time for their comfort in bed.

Pay their debts and lend yourself in financial ruin.

Sacrifice, compromise for them and conceptualise it as committed and oneness.

Neglect your needs for their wants!

Choose temporary pleasure with and for them, to have carry the inherent burden alone, by the next day.

To fake a laugh, bear a cold shoulder and cover a bruise for their satisfaction.

Over-share, suffocate them and salivate, for their attention.

Overly trust them, and surely cry because of them.

Self-ratification and self-improvement, but only looking for their acknowledgement but every time you feel like they like you less for it.

Force change and lie that you’ve change, only but for a while, to keep them.

Resent them and regret what you knew comes with is for your settling but rolled with them anyway.

You have not done this for their Love?

You would not have done that if it were not love. Is it Love?

“Love is like dried flowers sometimes. Even though you watch the petals shrink and change color, you cannot help treasuring them.” – Munia Khan

The older I get, the more intentional I am becoming. I am having more reasons to be vulnerable in love. As well, evidence that it is risky business. Blind Love. Free Love. Dedicated Love. Vulnerable at Love. A fool for Love. Weak for Love. Stronger for you can Love. It is what you could use an acceptance of. I have had to drown in shame because I loved and because love rejected me. Both in forgiving the unforgivable and needing the grace from others because of Love, I have been. Love has exposed what I did not know about myself to be obscene and as well, need not to associate with, for I am better for it. Love is the epitome of full-blown insanity and dire circumstances. It is also a bursting sensation of joy that even at your most humble, it overflows caressing your ego to feel worthy. It grows you the most. It also can kill. Rationalise, Reflect, Refute, but Respect Love. It is a Powerful Beast.

When I was young, everything I saw lovers do, or put up with that I did not like, I was determined to never do. Anything that would suggest desperation I was stubbornly not going to tolerate. What is modelled before you in your foundation phase usually shapes up the walls you form against crashing out and opens paths you think are better to travel in between. You also feel like you are smarter and better as an observer of other people’s relationships such that your judgements are purely lacking from your own relations(direct experiences). What business do you have with Self-Introspection as a young and bouncy dreamer full of hope and eagerness to prove? But, when you do get yours, when you do loose yours, you realise it really is not as you thought, planned, or wished. Only but if you are honest. Only but if you are genuine with your loving. The unhealthy expectations, the definite experiences that denies your assurances and awaken a reality check sure makes it real. This right here, is about making peace with what to love and receive love really is about. And what could you argue you would not do for Love at your age? I know for me; I have proven to self that absolutely anything and nothing. Can you relate?

What is the Colour of Love?

For Love I have attempted to defy my physic to look ascetically compatible. I have worn high heels to be the perfect height when standing by them. I have worn two bras at a go to boost my chest game and look appealing to them. I have eaten more to gain more and eaten less to lose weight to not embarrass them when they see us together. For Love I have put on make up to get a compliment and earn a perfect portrait with them. I have refused help and over-worked myself just so that they do not need anybody else to be by their side. Got bruised and felt the pain, so long I did not miss a chance to share and give myself to them. For Love, I have claimed it is not that painful just so I would look very willing and interested. You haven’t lied owing to Love?

For love I have acted on my fears. Threatened to leave if certain people are not off the friend list. I have drowned in insecurities and mad territorial. I have lacked sleep because I wanted to know who, what and where is around them. For Love I have chosen prying and nagging to keep them on their toes and my noise in their head. It was better to be a problem than to be avoided and dismissed. For Love I have been a problem, a pain, and dramatic instead of being a partner in solving, relieving, and easing the situation. There is violence I have instigated in the name of love. There is trouble I caused motivated by love. Confusion I lead in the name of figuring things together. What? Disaster? Yes, I have found myself the main culprit for such. What I shouldn’t have to do for Love – a lot.

For Love I have had to swallow my pride, prioritise what denies my progress and changes my trajectory knowingly in order to make them feel better about themselves, for their elevation. I have spent my own money on them instead. I have fed on Porridge and soup alone when I plated all the meat on theirs willingly. I have denied myself the last cup of my favourite drink for water instead. I have said it’s okay, you go and enjoy, I will stay behind and be on business. I have neglected the red flags and choose to be holding my white flag in anticipation for the war that will come when it all crumbles. No surprises, as expected just as the denial was preferred. For Love I have willingly self-sabotaged and carry the blame and guilt alone. What? It is stupid. Is not some obvious reality that one can be stupid in love more than sane? What should you definitely not need to do, to keep love?

There are two primary forces in this world, fear and faith. Fear can move you to destructiveness or sickness or failure. Only in rare instances will it motivate you to accomplishment. But faith is a greater force. Faith can drive itself into your consciousness and set you free from fear forever. - Norman Vincent Peale

For Love, I have carried lives. And for Love I live doing my best to not destroy the very same lives. It is not my creations but my vessel that took the pain, absorbed it, stood for it, scratched, deform and reform, broke and heal for. It is my emotions that roller-coaster endlessly for. It is my shepherding that I live to continue to love positioning a safe keeping even in my sleep. It is out of my control clearly, but my responsibility always. For Love I will have to bear the account, assert a confident generation and be liable for when the anchor loosen. Love, my love won’t be enough and won’t go unquestioned or challenged. And I will have to hold on faithfully either way. With the hope that they will learn and not turn away from it. Through Love, it should suffice. Through God’s strength, it will be possible.

What won’t you do for Love? What haven’t you done because of Love?

I’d say, more room for it is needed, for growth, for many things. And this being for and from everyone. However, it has to be patient, kind. It has to harbour no envy, or boast. The Bible teaches it is not proud. That it should not be rude, self-seeking, easily angered, and keeping account of wrongs. The Love you should be about must take no pleasure in evil, but rejoice in the truth. It should be bearing, believing and enduring all things. It carries with a hope in all things, enduring all things. The book of 1 Corinthians 13 is having all the different translations attesting to the above, and more. The most about love I get defeated and at times consoled by is that without it I am nothing. Same scriptural reference and teaching. I do not know, with all that I mentioned about myself owing to love and what I wouldn’t do for it, do you suppose the answers to the questions and resolutions for certain responsibilities for Love are justified? Considering without it I am nothing, does this mean I am something for I know I have it?

I Corinthians 13

What does it matter? Why should it matter? All I know is that I Matter to God. And with Him I am nothing. For your justifications, your truth in love and for love, your experiences and even notions of/about Love – just know that You too, Matter to God. Be blessed in all your loving ways and transformed in all your conforming ways, should it be against Love.

Be on the lookout for more matters that uplift you for your Contentment in the Lord in all my social pages under @you_matter_lt / youmatterlt/ youmatter and WhatsApp channel A Matter of Upliftment!  

Till the next one…

@youmatterlt