A Canvas, a Brush, and a Mustard Seed

This is my Canvas…

There is a light the darkness surely needs.

There is a flow a cup needs poured unto.

There is a time a purpose needs fulfilled.

There is companionship nourishment it completely deserves.

A path, a journey should begin , and end.

A brush, a canvas be caressed.

Painted how I needed, once upon a time. - By Livhuwani Soulbird

Jeremiah 30:17: "But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds."

It is a beautiful, colourful, and lively canvas as a cover for this blog post. The radiant colours as you can see, as though I must have been in a beautiful place in mind, heart and soul when airbrushing the very white base. But, it was all thoughts of despair totally disregarded, looking to break free, repair, and be full of life. Like most of the beautiful art works that are hanging somewhere adding more life into the room, there is an unseen hole, or a thread over behind , an invasive matter making sure it hangs on. It was me hanging on to my dear life as I imagined through a brush. Enabling a chance to restore and renew!

Yes, it once was a dark place to live within. I once needed more than just water and food to survive. I needed acceptance, and a renewal of the mind. I could not do it by myself. I could not do it with my loved ones either. I couldn’t be where I feel comfortable (home) and I couldn’t trust being by myself. The word says we are never forsaken as far as the Lord’s steadfast Love is concern. It also reads in Hebrews 13: 14-15 that this world is not my home. I did not feel at home outside and within self. I also did not trust love. But I had a mustard seed. Luckily, because I had this seed, I had a bit of Hope that if I can just sow it, work on taking care of the sowing, something of me will be able to grow and stand tall, on solid ground but on a higher plane. And that it is only now, two years later that I get to harvest. There is a stronger relationship with God and, with self. I at times grab myself to not look at others and just be in the transformation and renewing of my mind. The lesson to loving myself is learned. Though, I still get caught up, position myself and get hurt, life is still going on. The Canvas is still here, a reminder, that beauty can still be imagined and lived. As the Self-care journey is continuing.

Everyone who has ever engaged fully and with intent to just get help with their mental well-being, they will always tell you that the mind deeply holds a great power over the body. The limitations and abilities are in how your mind specifically processes. If it is not in the right place (the mind), nor will the heart or just the rest of the body. In self-retrospection, I have been through it. How I am so proud to be where I am now. I owed this kind of love to self. And like me, You could need an empty canvas to paint over in your life. Sure that the life you are living is not healthy. Aware that you matter and could be better, but just not able to, especially on your own. This a huge step for any desired and needed breakthrough : an awareness or acknowledgement of the need to. A willing spirit to live a healthier life to many should not be based on getting more money, friends, or “success,” but rather on healing many of their wounds. If there is a song you can sing, for an intuition for better days, try Psalms 51, sung by David who needed healing and restoration of his broken spirit from his own transgressions.

51: 1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.

Psalms 51:10-12: "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and sustain in me a willing spirit."

Clothing myself with such hard truths was not easy, you can be sure, by just reading what you see on the picture of the back of my canvas. There are some lines I even shaded to make sure I do not have to send you down the path I was. This, including myself as well. I have some Self-compassion now. I am not deliberately indulging on what taunts me. Only if it’s natural occurrences outside my control, then I must face the matter head on. Out of my control I will not fight but just be present. Time for every kind of canvas comes. I am making sure many forms of recovery and healing won’t allow you to take the easy way out. You will need to admit to your own contribution to getting wounded. You will need to own up to your own wounds even if they were externally inflicted on you without a choice in other instances. You will have to bear the burden your wounds with an embrace that pronounce the benefit of others more than yourself at times. Your break-through will surely impact more than your own understanding of things can hold fast on. I'm talking generational curses. And so, with Him who strengthens you, you will do it. But, on your own, you can’t.

Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through [a]Christ who strengthens me.

What could I be going through now, that made me pay attention to this canvas? Yes, let me confirm, something is happening. I not only am in recollection of what was and marvelling at many of my answered prayers, but as well what is and then could possibly be. For some inspiration I am reading a book by this one trailblazer of a being who dreamt and believed (MacGyver Mukwevho) another by Mpoomy Ledwaba. The two are living their dreams considering how they narrate their humble beginnings and how they get to where they are now. They have a great influence in my trail of thoughts as I feed my interests of not living in my own bubble (aiming at being perfect) and as well, growing spiritually through their very different podcasts. Many of us cannot cancel our past experiences, and we surely are not looking to recreate them either. We know how bad and well we have been. It is always inspiring just to see those who are going at it to align with their dreams. You see, I am also aware of how far things can go and not go with and in my mind.

And as for more of what this season is giving me, I’m winning and losing there and there , which enables a lot of unhealthy tendencies. There is much of life inconsistencies that deserve a canvas to brush on. Fortunately, I am not afraid of myself anymore. I am rather very afraid of what God is capable of. In no way will He let me be comfortable with self-sabotage but won’t stop me either. I also know that at the end of the day, it is me who can stand against my own dreams coming true. So, in my era of some answered prayers, oh I am seeking contentment in Him instead, by making peace with the Present.

I could go on and on about the wrong things being done and said around me, at me and those I care about. I can choose to share a real heart-breaking circumstance at hand. But I know the difference between glorifying what wounds the mind, heart, and soul and just acknowledging it. The difference is in praying about it. That it is enough to not be okay, but with a guarded heart and mind. Real time life in our spirit must be about that to gain inner-strength and peace. So, as I feel somewhat weak, I also know He (God) is strong. The Canvas won’t have to be falling though is just a thread making sure of it. I mean, the exhibit is still very much on, God is sustaining gracefully and I always need Him to run the show. What can possibly not be praiseworthy about this amazing being He made in his own image? Another day, another arm stronger to make sure this canvas of mine is hanging properly. It hangs properly when it is humble.

"Your life is your canvas, and you are the masterpiece. There are a million ways to be kind, amazing, fabulous, creative, bold, and interesting." - Kerli

Could it be you at this moment, counting on your faith in the Lord to carry you? If so, is a Perfect place you are in, for He is closest to the broken-hearted, to the barely hanging on. He heals. He protects the endangered. Let your life be the Canvas that intercedes on your lack of expression. Wherein your thanksgiving feeds to a content being. Whereby, many others may see how their life’s experiences are just as beautiful to hang-unto even though life can suggest otherwise. Through His mercies that make it worthy to Glorify Him still, it can be a masterpiece. For You Matter to God either way.

Be Blessed in canvasing a fully blended experience of the living. Wherein for both good and bad times, you remain steadfast in what is just, right, lovely, pure, and praiseworthy. Coming up is the spiritual Encouragement for March on the 2nd. May it be worthwhile. Be on the lookout!

This is a matter of upliftment for your contentment in the Lord!

@youmatter