A Matter of Nourishment (Relationships that Develop Overtime)

The start of everything lovely is just as that, lovely. I can almost remember just about every bit of what happened to me when certain lovely things occurred, in my life, especially if it involved no edge to capture it on the mobile phone. Certainly, the time when the one I am making well on the promises of forever to came, the heart captured. I am talking about the day possibilities that we could be made way. Given the “entanglements’ love life was giving, it could not have been more welcomed. It was well with the soul, cloud nine in the float.

(I am going to tease honestly about my experience here just so you know in order to get my hoped for purpose for this. The end will make up for the heart raising. I promise to be just as respectful.)

The loveliness turned on, the relationship grows, and so do challenges. You love with so much faith you hold on no matter what. Moreover, suddenly, "till death do us part" makes sense. You just cannot fight the heart when this happens. Suddenly, I start seeing this statement or advise doing the circles right after my wedding just about everywhere in my very small circle. *When you pray for a loving partner also pray about the family they are from to be just a loving (in those lines) *. This is the perfect time to share on this, given holidays are just around the corner. Many people will be in the midst of all the inheritance that came with the one they choose to love, forever until death part them. This presents a lot of relationships that for a long time, as you figure out your romantic entanglements, really, the time to be focusing on your dream partner/life partner may have not have a string of subjects involving their family.

Let me be honest, when I did think about the family and its orientation, just the more appealing nature of their being was enough. Whatever that went with positive promises; I saw the good in everyone. If ever I got to be familiar with, My faith was campaigning for only the best, the truth becomes more real when you are actively interacting with them in their comfort zone, your new home. This is mostly for you are deep in love, singing songs that affirms they are the one, so you feel you can take all they come with. Do you remember how it was when life officially started with the family as a whole? Expectations for kindness all around would be healthy and being anxious was an understatement for me, how could I FORGET. In my fears of not leveling up as a human being, there are fears of others who now have been exposed to whatever I thought and make of their demeanor. Of cause, the young me didn't have this perception nor intuition to comprehend this. If there is someone not feeling you or if you are not feeling him or her, at this point, the normal pretense filled with being civil, is definitely at play, taking the leading role. This are the things most people would not want to admit publicly because it will appear as though they are too forward and inconsiderate.

If you do not leave to go to your own space with just your main, the extended family vibes to blend in and with can be anything that you did or did not expect. The one thing I did not practice during this phase is respecting time and being patient with my relationship with each one in my new family. Blindly, I felt like the celebrations at the wedding ceremony meant everyone is on the same boat as I was (Did you do this also?). After all, I love him and he loves me. They love him and wish him well; I am part of him now, so their best wishes for him are just as well for me. Makoti vibes. Young bride vibes. New bride vibes. Go in with an open heart they advise! I need to ask that you forgive yourself if you feel you were naïve and immature and that challenges you faced were entirely your fault. Let this be marked in your heart, when it comes to new relationships, as much as we claim to be mature and ready for anything that comes with it, it couldn't possible be so. There is willingness to grow while at it, and then there is the teachings through experiences that determines whether your willingness is paving ways to stay in or not. I did warn you about being honest.

You will start getting tested when planning for the wedding. This continues to be in many other big things you start making decisions on, like where to live for example. Decisions on who to seek counsel from. When you are developing a support system, a lot of surprises happen. When it starts, you realize how your oneness with your partner, literally goes against your expectations of having solid relations with the rest of the family, just like that. You start getting an early peak on what is possible with who and some without. If you went through this epiphany as early as your first year in marriage, you were blessed beyond measure. I sure look at it now, and feel really blessed. It woke me up from some fairy-tale marriage life I kept in my dreams. A big part of my fairy-tale involved things like those very perfect thanksgiving dinners we watch on TV. Honestly, the relationships with your family members may appear to be a given, however, they require dedication for them to develop. You will make mistakes. Offend and be offended much. You might be the oblivious type, or the assertive, strong and all that commanding respect type. The fact will remain that you are new at it. This “in–law” tag to a brother, sister, mother, father, and so on, it may very well require some encouragement and influence from your partner, but the most beautiful relationships you will have with the family you choose silently and indirectly, for life, will develop overtime. You may be a hit with some, or not so much with most. The time that will come and pass as you all adapt and adjust, will eventually tell as to where you are with all. It will be in calls you initiate without feeling as if you must inform your partner first or after. It will be in your free-ness around them when your partner is out of site. It will be in the spirit of wishing them well, recalling their special days like birthdays and be genuinely happy about it without feeling as you are going above board. It will be in the way; you share yourself with them on matters that do not involve your marriage like how you find someone to laugh with over something you heard on radio, in the shock your partner will express hearing you say, you planned this with his/her…without their concern. This is all in respect of time. It may happen “just like that”, however in most cases, reality always has other plans. In your expectations, there is often a lot overwhelming you and everybody in the family, naturally. And I will tell you this, most of those expectations are not well managed. God!

There is always a story to tell attached to the people we hold close to our heart and this is very particular when it involves the people who are not “blood family”. Overtime, you realize indeed that, the quality of the relationship you choose to invest on more carry you to places that for a lot the “blood family” never ever get to travel with you. This is not to take away from family; it is only to extend on it. There is no harm in having significant relationships in environments either than of family ties. It requires many careful choices on what company to keep. It can be a draining, disappointing and shocking journey, especially when life happens and all you have is just a few from a whole jar of hearts you have collected. I am trying to tell you that, in the case when the choice you made to be a part of a whole family, by just loving one person, it is important to invest on having distinctive relations that do not only rely on that one person. You will not always have just that one person to base all your relationships to, you will have kids who will need their aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, guardians, cousins and grandparents and the kind of relationships you nourished or not with all those very important people, will impact on how merry or not so merry life goes. There is definitely a lot of maturity required on this, and it all develops overtime. Do not lose the good part of your heart when it is not going so well, this is a matter of knowing that Love and Kindness is not always giving instant results. It at times challenges your faith and helps you learn on values such as patience. It may unfortunately at times demand a lot of boundaries that only correlates with healthy distance. It is not always a given for it to be well with everyone, though you are giving, forgiving and caring. A lot can use this truth. There is no telling, just a lot of hoping.

The undertaking of many things in matters of life can be quite personal, and many times where relationships are involved, many good is shut with dubious gestures. I am taking my chance with this to encourage being positive when it comes to the relationships that you know came with the one you choose to try to work on forever with. The things that tend to induce that caring leads to despair when it comes to this, are abundant. To give up when things get messy can come easy. In the name of minding one’s business, one can carry on as if... Even instant coffee is from beans that had to go throw a few roasting and brewing. Just as your loving relationship with your main takes work and a lot of compromise, shaped with a committed spirit, so does the rest of the relationships attached. It is a matter of being honest with where you are with everyone and being aware of it as you relate. Do not expect the stalks of all beautiful flowers to have no thorns there and there, even if picked already placed in a beautiful vase. You may need to trim there and there. Some debris may be found and a lot of handling with care will be a must. Beautiful things require nurturing, time after time.

Be sure to have a more realistic approach this holiday season with everyone. If you did not work on certain relationships, as you should, no matter the complications present, the miracles you are praying for should be that you do not be filled with unfounded expectations. If you have been trying your best at being a warmer member of the family, then carry on with this truth, hoping that time and your best is adding to your relationships just as well. I must say that, if the regrets you have over not praying enough, or if at all for you to marry into a loving family weren't that attended to when it begun, perhaps you can do it now. It is even possible to grow into a loving member yourself. Go on and continue investing in your family for it Matters, just as well as You Matter!

Biblical notes to focus on

I Corinthians Chapter 13 is clear on matters of Love, it concludes with this; “And now these three remains: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

I John 4: 20 puts on a challenge that to claim to love God whilst hating your sister or brother is self-deceit. Philippians Chapter 2 is also an interest as far as true servant-hood to one another demands.

I have took with my experience that there is room to grow when you love!

Regards

Livhuwani