A Matter of Self-Commitment!

It is always feeling like its Mental Health Awareness Month, and I am one of those who are not shy to put it out there, that this is a reality. I can almost tell as I relate with others when someone is struggling with related illnesses, and I always start talking about my struggles /challenges/illness so that they can be at ease with their reality when around me. Some succeed in acting like it is nothing serious, and at times you realize how unaware they are of their struggle. Either way, mental health illnesses is a thing not a taboo, a reality and not some excuse to be sad or lazy. The one thing you must always remember is that, when you are overtaken by emotions/feelings that you do not understand or do understand, never assume the people you love will understand or save you. It is always self-work accompanied by healthy support systems not a matter of your loved ones saving you. In my case, coming to terms with my depression was prolonged by waiting for people I love and care about to get it/ to understand it/understand me. I made it about them, and it is never about that. Even if they contributed to your mental health challenges, it is your health, not theirs. When you or they do not get it, it never means it is not real. "Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so." — Lemony Snicket

My blog here remains a part of my work in progress for understanding myself, as I work on my self-awareness.

This one particular year, right after the year this blog started – I was a rock star of sort. The beginning of it I was rolling and had so many plans falling to place. About everything made sense until the kind of people I explicitly attached myself to gave way to a disposition. One thing about self-care most people may never talk about, is how it exposes your relationships. The ones that work become illuminated, and the ones that do not work will crack and crash beyond recognition. It becomes even more tricky when you will not have a choice to trash them but rather to work, rebuild and restore such relations. Considering the work on self you will be into means recognizing the changes you would be embodying. While some are as clear as the road on sunny days, others are just foggy as the N4 on a number of rainy days. The people around you will be a forecast as to what and who is working against and for your growth. You may lose focus and just focus on others thinking if they change, then all will be smooth. The truth is it all starts with you focusing on your standing with self.

Self-commitment

Your stance with self-concerns the believes you have, your influence, persuasion, motivation, and discipline. You can associate this with a few other attributes, and my blog has posts on such. Your intentions with self. The reasoning behind your choices, your focus. What connects you to what you deem most important - this is what you can define self-commitment by. I have been in this long enough to know what is connected and what triggers the disconnection to self. It is everything and everyone you can think of, including yourself. Where do you stand? Better question is, where are you standing – beside or besides yourself? Are you for you or everything is apart from you? Are your human limitations always about you not having a firm belief that you matter, deserve or are capable? If you are a Christian, there is a definite set of freedom in knowing that you are of power, love, and self-control. Spiritually, the settings are that, when you do not own up to a price already paid for you – then indeed you will not be standing for your higher self. If you are not respecting yourself, you are standing against your worth. This is why, most of us then inherit or accommodate toxic relationships and habits of self-sabotage.

“If you build the guts to do something, anything, then you better save enough to face the consequences.” ― Criss Jami, Killosophy

One of the hardest things I have been working on is forgiving myself for trusting people with things entrusted in me. Things like my own faith and spiritual growth. There were times when I would fail to even pray because I felt like I needed certain people to be with me and pray with me for my Christianity to matter. I would forsake going to fellowships because they refused or are not interested to go. I would wonder who I will be with, to make me feel like I am in the right space first – then decide to go or not. The same with my choices of career moves. If certain people do not benefit, I will not pursue available opportunities. If certain people do not endorse whatever it is that I want to engage – I won’t engage or will engage and struggle to enjoy or find value in such endeavours. It is a smear campaign on self I subjected myself to for way too long. I burned alone. Not having a firm stand on what you value is a sin against your existence. Having the support from others as you conduct your daily functioning and pursuits for greatness is not a terrible thing. We all need community to apply our individuality for the greater good. The issue is when you are solely reliant on others with every move you make. This is what broke me and to this day, I am still working to forgive myself for it. So much of what I took on and fell under from, is due to having given others the power to endorse my next move. On days when I lacked motivation to continue, if they never noticed or motivated me, I dropped dead on doubt and no determination to continue. Lacking discipline is never about outside forces. The best commitment you will ever make, is the one you make to yourself. If you put it to others to feel special, a day will come when they disappoint you and forgiving yourself will be an arduous process. Better you work on you and make it your speciality, so that you can best fit your needs with whatever it is you admire most. Long lasting effects of self-awareness benefits your self-worth.

“Just because you're struggling with self-discipline doesn't mean you have to raise the white flag and declare your self-improvement efforts a complete failure. Instead, work to increase the chances that you'll stick to your healthier habits - even when you don't feel like it.” -Amy Morin

How disciplined are you on the things you get yourself into? The goals you have set for yourself, the bar you have put up to rate your effectiveness will always be the main determining factor to your efficacy. If you find yourself always blaming circumstances, the weather, lack of resources, support and other individuals – in everything you fail to accomplish or overcome, a closer and more honest look will point out your lack of self-discipline as the main reason for not acquiring the desired results. To help you relate, one of the reasons why I am struggling to get back to my studies fully and enjoy them, furthermore, see the value of such – is because when things got tough in other parts of my personal life and commitments, I choose to put my individual commitments on hold. I convinced myself I had no capacity to uphold this one commitment to enhance my academic credentials because I was too drunk in honouring commitments that benefit other people I care about. I may have had too much going on yes to put my studies on hold, but the lack in self-discipline now, it is what is making it hard for me to feel driven to measure up. Another aspect of my self-sabotage and betrayal is that I made a choice to study attaching it too much with the support from so and so. So and so did not get it, in fact other people I thought are pushing on the same agenda of a shift in my career focus, turned out to be jealous. There are a few who used me to do their thing and succeed. They are ahead in their lives. Sure, it is no competition for me, but it clearly was for them. My self-belief was infectious when I started this self-care journey, I am not surprised it encouraged others to feel and do the same. It is just that, where I least expected, it intimidated and awaken insecurities as well. A disciplined and committed self would not let this be any reason to stop or hold back. Unfortunately for me, I held back with on one or two commitments. Do not be this person.

“And, when you can’t go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward.” - Paulo Coelho

I am now coming to what it is I have done, been doing, to rebuild and restore on my stance for a proud self. Firstly, I made sure to yield to a better mental health care plan. If you think this just means therapy every now and then, you have been not part of this blog. I had to appoint myself with an aim to reapprove of myself. This meant resting/unplugging, simmering in discomfort, tapping in unusual pleasures, recognizing blessings from my brokenness, embracing the power of being vulnerable, acknowledging a need to self-forgive, and spend time in a mental health facility. All this had to happen while in full grace of wasting no experience or forgetting that I need love and surely matter. I could not go back to just living a life of surviving or of victim role-playing. I just needed to accept myself for who I have been and just as well, longing to become. All this continuous work on self, has me now in this tone of reference. The enrichment is authentic, and the commitment is integral. Patience and discipline with self, is what is giving way to a proud self. If you sit with me and we talk about anything deep – you will hear about things of such orientation, self-care matters. Even with just browsing my social media content, it is all about developing a sense of self which is healthy. Self-care is the only thing I have been disciplined on/with. If you need anything more out of me, be sure it will just be about me making sure you live knowing and believing you matter. This kind of lifestyle of elevating self-care is not always comfortable for many out there are living shutting themselves down to please others first before thoroughly looking at how healthy they are with themselves. And when you do put healthy boundaries in place, most people will resent you for it. Self-care is a force that will filter your relations and solidify your stance with self. You may feel alone most of the time if you are too concerned with validation from others. To me, the main reason to take better care of myself is so that I live better with myself, and then others. If you are having a healthy reason for your self-care journey, then - Stay committed and be disciplined. It Matters that much that you do.

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they're never weakness." — Brené Brown

#selfcare #selflove #selfcompassion #selfdiscipline #selfcommittment #selfawareness #selfrespect #selfpersuation #selfreminders #youmatter #mentalhealthmatters #selfworkmatters

NB: Credit to Wix for all the images

Regards

Livhuwasha