It is all Relative!

livhuwasha
Oct 11, 2023
9 min read

Updated: Oct 21, 2023

The Lift Off.

Earlier this week I experienced something and felt as if it had to do with what I have been trying to resolve over a healthy ego, boundaries and letting go. I have this mobile phone that was working fine until a screen protector and a pouch for it became a thing the previous week. They all sound like a good investment considering how useful the gadget is and the more at risk it tends to be as you optimise on its efficiency. I never experienced any real problems before which made me wonder if all this preventative or protective reinforcements were worth it. Within four days of beefing up on its security, using it how I usually do, optimally benefiting my daily tasks as it is a great planning, exercising tool and my communication, it suddenly started blurring up. There seem to be quite a lot of moisture where there isn’t supposed to be. I am suspecting may be the sweat from my usual three kilometre jogs. I even ended up dropping it by mistake some 5 hours of watching the screen flash rainbow colours. The screen protector eventually shifted. It is one of those unfortunate things. I am disappointed a bit for even having that screen protector on. More so, for believing it is all guarded given I have three toddlers who indulge. Being it is that time of the month wherein I have run out of rice to help drain the moisture, I am practically laid off the portable screen. So, I will be off the grid for a few days I suppose. This made me think of the many times I may be putting up boundaries where they aren’t necessary helping but rather encouraging some of my bad habits. Bad habits such as overthinking or not loving myself unashamedly. I still have some elements worrying about how others will react to my preferences. What if the things I have learned to survive are no longer needed now that I am living? How much of who I have become needs not a shield but just freedom to be experienced? How much of my ego is not healthy? Some of the things I am letting go or have already, are they supposed to be cast away? What if their alluring sensitivity keeps me aware of where I am from for my humility? Am I considering of the fact that some things may very well be working for my good only when they are presented as risky, for then I am exploring my full potential and surprising myself? Gaining more self-confidence through those small wins of not projecting, or relentlessly on defence, proving and convincing! The consideration that my lifestyle now is very driven by a whole lot of self-care, perhaps I have done enough for a firm foundation and should not try to put too much on that which was for the climb. With some aspects of my life I am in the maintenance phase. What works now may not be what worked then. This is starting to feel like a thought provoking and just a supplicating post on the defining one's self-sufficiency.

“It can’t be done for you; it must be done by you.”

― Frank Sonnenberg, Listen to Your Conscience: That's Why You Have One

Self-care investments are relative.

Your self-sufficiency is never really as of another. What works doesn’t always add up or make perfect sense. Sometimes it comes through as a chain of demand challenges of life that would not even keep up with what comparably supplies to your most authentic being. It can also look like too many wins all at once, overwhelming you to a point that you learn to rest and just enjoy gracefully. There may very well be a need to be a spectator and not the lead in your own life, as a way to feed to a better you at times, simply because you are being taught lessons to not seek control over everything. You may be left with no choice but to unplug unwillingly, all because that is what will help you really see, hear and be at one with your inner self. I have found myself gaining more from putting in less effort at times, in some situations. I have found solace in people I never even shared my need for shelter with. There have been beautiful things that came out from horrible experiences. This is to really make sure as you read this, you contemplate on how what sustains you is not always as for the next person. I hope you will ease up to this post with the kind of comprehension that serves best the complexity of your own self-care journey. I can feel it, I am about to learn more about where I am at without even planning to, through this post. It is really all just relative. Let us be open to it…

“If you restore balance in your own self, you will be contributing immensely to the healing of the world.” -Deepak Chopra

Pause and Self-evaluate.

I trust that I am at another level of self-care and Self-love at this moment of my life. With all the self-acceptance I have been committed to, it truly makes sense that I go deeper. I have so much to offer and just as much to lose. I believe I carry depth as far as this may be concerned. There is no reason for me to doubt my value rather than when I am weak emotionally. I have so much peace with this reality. This is why I am emotionally strong enough to even call myself out or really self-evaluate without shame. And the evaluation is whether some of the walls I have put up need to stay up or not. I am very calm as I approach this. The questions to self are also influenced by the spiritual focus I am on of self-examining honestly since the beginning of this spring. Matthew Chapter 7 has been a gift. Just like what happened with my mobile phone right after making sure it was protected from harm, it is broken from inside out only after all that investment. Have you ever experienced something like this in your life? You literally did everything possible to make sure you are well off or best positioned and literally that is when you find yourself caught off guard, hurt, disappointed, unable, shamed, lost, alone, unmotivated, dumb founded, set back, unrecognised, unloved, unhappy, unfulfilled, unsafe, insecure, or unwell. What do you do when you find out it isn’t helping that you knew all there is to know, did all that needed to be done and invested much but there are no returns that really speak to your expectations? When the walls you put up are not tall or strong enough to hold back the adversary in you – what do you do? When do the prayers not take away a need to wait for another decade till they are answered – do you stop? When being firm and assertive continues to challenge the masses and it gets feedback of not being approachable – do you fold and get back to being for everybody and anything? You do need a community after-all. How is your surrendering? Is it the healthy or the coward kind? Would you go and get another phone or fix the one that is broken, have another screen protector on? What if you just needed to be alerted on a need better running gear and phone handling? Are you the kind that surrenders without taking the lessons and going at it again humbly? Or you are the giving-up type and claim it is just out of your hands? How are you making sure you keep being sufficiently engaged with your growth (development). Have you worked hard enough on building a friendship with self? How do you reconcile with yourself? Have you found that you sleep better or worse with all that which consume your thoughts? Are you at peace with you? Is you loving your body as it is even though you are still trying to be healthier? If we talk about ingredients of self-care, are you focused relatively to what you need? The truth is, to every answer you will have - if it is an honest one, you will discover a few things that can use a change or readjustment. May be for you self-care is mostly about physical care which helps you manage your emotions better. It is all connected, but there is some way to it specifically for your wholeness.

Some Self-Care Ingredients: Mental health care/ awareness/ Physical care/ Spiritual care/ Connections/ Creativity/ Problem-solving abilities/ Personal Goals/ Time Management

The nature of Surrendering.

I am finding that I am stubborn on things that matter to my growth rather than before where I just went wild on self-harm and sabotage. This was in the name of defending my honor and a quest to feel seen. There are certain bad habits about me that I have realised are turning out to be good, only now since I am having a healthy relationship with my inner self. The habit I have of questioning things and not just go with the wind, in my self-destruction phases – this helped in delaying my growth because I never took chances outside my comfort zones. I am finding that after a few years of investing in self-care, I do assess things but also find a certain thrill in challenging myself. The old me would dwell on negativity without even thinking the of work that can be done to change situations. I do this now with being very aware that I am better off being the positive change I want to see. In a way, if the mobile phone crashed, I would not think someone else needs to decide for me to have it fix, where and how. I will take the initiative myself since it is mine. My surrendering is the kind that acknowledges the injury and damages, as well as the pieces that can be gathered and even mended, as well as some to be cast away and be changed. I am understanding that there is no need for certain things at this time in my life, not because they do not matter or aren’t true/useful/valuable – but because they would not serve this version of me. They would instead feed my comfort zone, while my expanding horizons remain untapped. I am coming to realise that even some lessons learned the hard way, aren’t for my benefit. There is a need to surrender to this truth, because if you do not accept it, you may further drown yourself in the pits of self-pity. I am sure I have written about this before. When you feel sorry for yourself for too long, you are also spending too much time in your demise of current upliftment. I think there is really a need to value surrendering things with great discernment of their nature and not your wishful thinking. To nurture our serene self, we must also work on things that make us untidy owing to our own lack/fault/foolishness/unwillingness. Honesty with self is not only for what is acceptable.

“May you always be the one who notices the little things that make the light pour through, and may they always remind you: There is more to life and there is more to you.” ― Morgan Harper Nichols

Breathe.

What works is relative. Sustaining what works needs awareness and attention. You cannot deny that when someone says no to something, the next person can be jumping for it. This is why what works for your self-care may serve parts of you that resembles nothing to my journey. There is a need to remember all the time that to each their own is really an awareness matter for everybody. Even when we advocate for the same thing, our comprehension of it may differ. Impartial way of self-care will get you to best sustain what feeds your authenticity. Do not jeopardise your journey of self-care by thinking it looks, feels and is the same with everyone else. We may jog the same miles, at the same time but sweat differently. We would be healthier, the both of us- but we may not look like it the same way. One can be more radiant than the other. It is like when you listen to the same song but feel different feelings every other time. I may not be praying long prayers, but be closer to God than I ever was. We may have faced the same challenge but not have the same skills polished. It may be true that we started together, but not going to finish at once. You may have more than me but be less satisfied. What you need to keep showing up may not necessary be what is motivating me to keep up. The way you love and feel about me may very well be nothing special to you, but for me - it may be going a long way in helping me realise I got to appreciate myself more. So even when we face difficult things, we may be gaining beautiful elements that give quality to our character differently. The changes of my life may be small but significant enough to my ego to be as healthy as that of an eagle. We are all living lives that matter. Live yours with pride.

Never live thinking what works for you works for everyone else. Mind your journey, as it is relatively a matter of your specific being. And You Matter in that special way!

#youmatter #selfcare #selfsufficiency #unsplash #mediafromwix #growth #mindfulness