A Matter of Discernment

(When You Lose Control)

One of my absolute favorite song is Hurricane by Eric Benet. It is a masterpiece, a very challenging song as to how you must comprehend tragedy, loss, misery and changes. The song literally is about finding your way through a hardened heart, a breakthrough. It is about how you will come to an understanding that you were dead while in a certain place and phase only after a storm came to pass, for out of your control it was but still, you made it. It is about how getting yourself together sometimes may require a lot of renewing circumstances, whether you are up for it or not. In addition, this is when life is positioning you into power. However, it is considerably a hard time and consequently, hard to acknowledge as empowering at first. - Listen -

Turning points are often looking like a misguided venture and therefore very hard to discern. It takes a long time to embrace them, as much time needed actually, especially if disguised as hurt and pain. Only a few even admit that certain misses and losses were blessings in disguise really. It takes a brave heart to utter those words. I can think of many things that made me feel like I'm screwed, done and in shambles. It is only after a few years that I valued the redirection they instigated me closer to completeness. Like how certain heartbreaks from being dumped or choosing to let go of some people made it possible to form healthier relations. The failing at driving school that made me feel like a loser but had to pick myself up and go for it again. Face the anxiety and literally, step on a hill and not roll back to a defeated fate. I can think of natural things like "that time of the month", and how when you are in it, you question the sanity of your existence as a woman. In just those days in a month, you bloody feel like the world is so oblivious and insensitive to the whole entity of womanhood. It takes a not to snap over/at anything and everyone. I should mention giving birth too. Have you realized how this kind of things build your character? It is not that you can or should avoid them, but that they are an integral part of you. You must go through them.

Unpleasant times are inevitable

I appreciate good times. I would rather have just them to live by. Bad times are challenging and mostly frustrating. I would rather not have them as much as I do but then again, challenges are a good step away from boredom. Boredom is dangerous I must say. You can intentionally start fights out of boredom. Then there are devastating times, life changing. I have stopped wishing any different when it comes to this kind (like most wishes, they never come true). Devastating times are undeniably crucial to one's humility. They humble and bring change. You are very sure you will never be the same when they happen. You question things knowing very well, an answer will not come right away or if at all. Control at this point is far from your reach, you must give in if you want to find a reason to live again. You lose to win again. You hate to love again. You at times get lost, so you can find yourself in a better space. Moreover, you get into the dark in order to come out enlighten. This is what happens to you accordingly, just not at your will. It controls you so that you value surrendering. The kind of surrendering that eventually leads to reinventions and elevations. You need this if you want to grow; it is just a matter of acknowledging that it is what it is. Think about it this way, prevention here would not be a cure. There is just disaster management to come to effect. The only contingency plan is on dealing with the aftermath. You are never the same and if anything around you is left untouched, you see it differently. You value it differently. This is what losing control reaps at this time, a new life, a new you. Some people never recover or rediscover. They are rather stuck in that reduced state and this is a sad reality. Be very careful you do not judge just because you were lucky to emerge to a better fate. This requires a lot of empathy instead. Unpleasantness is just inevitable and so it is good that you live in this truth.

Intention and Purpose

I am investing in judging well. I need this in order to embrace growth. To self-manage well, I need discernment. The intention is to build on what is good and attend to life lessons as they come. You must follow the theme for this month to understand. A teachable heart is golden; I acknowledge the need for this kind of Self-Positioning. Again, I need this. I hope it is no further from you too (this need). Life is demanding and most of us can use this kind of comprehension, one of discernment. In following Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, this one would be between psychological and safety needs. When those hurricanes come, as we know they do (Hopefully, all of us do), we need this virtue, to be the kind that derive a will to build anew. Trust in the wash, the nakedness, the vulnerability and the new shape. Resurface and be able to redefine. That is how it has to be for the betterment of life, the craft. I know this kind of saying goodbye hurts, the letting go is hard, and it is definitely dislocating. I just need to grow in embracing the hope that it can only be redirecting. I need to see it as an opportunity to get closer to who I choose to believe is having it all under control. The God of order, great shepherd to watch over me. The one who forsake not. I need to believe that cry, disappointment, and discomfort is what is required for a prosperity promised. What is the need of my faith if I cannot exercise it? What would be the point of that hurricane if I did not need to the washout and away, from what I thought was a waterproof and maybe, a clean life. When I thought, I am unstoppable and untouchable, when I started thinking I got everything figured, too confident. As required, the hurricane ought to put me in my place. I need this!

I am longing to be this kind of a person. The friend who responds with "let's pray about it" because I know I have no other substantial response and definitely helpless. The wife who reassures and says, "I'll hold you down". A mother who nurtures and invite, “come to me". I want to be that sister who is on sight when you thought you do not matter and nobody sees you for who you really are. I want to be that individual who gracefully perpetuate power from within, gaining from loses, brave even when in fear. Strong even when struggling, forgiving when wronged and apologetic when in the wrong. I need to be the kind that embraces an admission to when things are bad and hard shamelessly. It Matters for it grows. In some areas of my life, I need to stop fooling myself , when claiming I am composed. I mean, what is the use of pretending something is not hurting me when in fact, it is? I mean an ego overpowering is not good at all. It is costing many lives. I admit to this myself. Lacking discernment is the cause.

My Serenity Prayer

Lord, thank you for the revelation that growth is required. May you equip me to be objective and subjective, as circumstances require. Please grant me opportunities that strip me off the need to be in control even when I can do with coming undone. I ask for discernment Lord. May you help me grow as you see fit, in time and purpose. In my incapacity, be my first aid. I ask that you give me eyes that recognize the loops provided to get through the trials and tribulations you guaranteed. Create in me a clean heart, which will not subject others to be about my optimism, opinions or ideas that they Matter. Take over what I never brought before you prior my engagement. Be with those close to me and help them only grow closer to you instead. I am surrendering my all to you Lord; let your will be done, amen.

Scriptures fed on - Inspired by Matthew Chapter 16 (It is about having discernment over present times, even when facing death)

I Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Romans 12:12

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Proverbs 2: 1-5

My son, if you receive my words, and treasure my commands within you,

So that you incline your ear to wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding;

Yes, if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for understanding,

If you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures;

Then you will understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God.

Particular Source

Be of courage. It Matters, You Matter!

Regards

Livhuwani