New Normal : The Comfort in Changes You Dreaded

🌞Sunny morning where I'm at. How's yours?

I had a candid conversation with a childhood family member by shared experiences a few days ago and they said as I started talking, one could hear that’s Livhuwani, but as we carried on, there is a notable change in my voice. This here was something because for months now, I’ve been noticing it too but thought it’s just the pressures and challenges of life getting to me. The person I was talking to had not heard my voice for a long while, so this was somewhat affirmative. As I shared what life has been giving to/with them, I kept realizing that this is the new me, I have this experiences that have changed me. Humbling experiences, new scars, new mindset and tone... This makes me a different person.

For a long while I thought some of the things that lead to certain changes in me would destroy me. By grace, I am finding that they are complementary to what I have been trying to get myself into/to instead. Then it came like summer rain to me, I am actively present in my new normal. I am feeling and living in the impact of it all.

Let me share with you why this is important to realize or acknowledge. A lot of times I would resist change due to my overthinking and holding on to ideals that don’t necessary work for my own peace. It came easy because I compromised a lot of my own happiness in order to feel worthy of certain blessings. Believe it or not, there is much in my life I failed to embrace not because is bad, but because it is looking and feeling too good to be true. There is power in a doubtful or fearful mind. This has a lot of hardships attached, mostly that of putting myself last because of childhood traumas. I’m so done with this I feel. I have lived long enough in the effects of trauma. I would love to experience new kinds of things so that I can continue to evolve. It took a lot of work to feel this way and finally I can say it is paying off. The work was not lenient on my bad habits of running away. There is absolutely no point in running from yourself, your past or your current affairs. Nothing ever does not catch up with you. This kind of running showed me flames. Resisting what needs work in your life is a waste of time. Nature will do the work for you eventually and it is brutal!

I am one of those young women who are not shy of expressing themselves but just lack precision in doing so in most cases. The same thing applies with how I can be sure of what I need but sabotage the process of getting exactly what I know I deserve because I am laying it all on someone’s approval. You know, like I would refuse myself freedom to celebrate my parents because I’m too busy afraid of being judged by those around me for the reason that Grace situated their parents in different horizons. I would immense myself so largely in environments filled with individuals who trigger my depression because it is “significant “ to a happy looking relationship (marriage/ friendships) or it would be deemed mature of me to handle it. I would clean up my voice and tone it to sound fine on the phone even when I had been or am crying. It all turned when I went through some stuff last year that wore off all those charades. I feel like it is the most open and beautiful I’ve ever been, considering my quest to Authenticity. I must say though, I dreaded the look and sound of weaknesses in me so much only to find that is where my true strengths thrive.

The New Normal to me is feeling like I don’t want to answer your call and you better be sure I’m doing it for my peace. I will mention the crying hysterically at times when I do pick the call, or just choking randomly as a certain event takes a turn. It is holding off on replying texts so that I don’t feel like I’m doing it out of obligation but actually because I want to. It is saying no to visiting someone and not make an excuse. The I don’t feel like I can handle the weight of the environment that shapes up when I’m present. It is not feeling guilty for saying no to something or someone, but say yes to me. It is my dress code utterly putting out vibes of my embrace of self, rather than just wanting to be like a literal undercover miss. Trust me, the way we dress says a lot about what and where we are as individuals. It is just like the food we eat and company we choose to keep.

Truly living in my vulnerability as my new power, the minute I acknowledge a change that’s uncomfortable; I immediately search for the lesson it is teaching, the message it’s spreading as well as the growth its projecting. So if something I dread is happening lately, I have the nerve to try and see it through even if I’m miserable. I don’t know if it is making sense but what I’m learning is that there are things I’m no longer afraid of because I have been stretched hard and torn apart over some certain things. The best teacher that experience is, has finally taken its position. I can guarantee that it isn’t much of a thrill, it is just really a serious character shift or a win for a better quality of life and its Embrace.

Suppose you are struggling to come to terms with some changes or things you have no control over right this moment. Have you ever thought about the fact that however you resist or keep in your disbelief and inactivity, the changes remain? I don’t believe in prolonging the inevitable or neglecting the impact of things lately. If something sucks I’m going to admit to it and deal with it ( be a sucker if I have to). I am not having the heart or energy to be stuck up any more trying to prove how brave I am. There is just no point to lie to yourself or about hardships/tough times. For example, If January is a tough month, accept it and get in the hard knocks of it without pretending otherwise. Who cares if you are suppose to know or do better? Why should they care? Can’t they focus on their own “doing and knowing better”. ___? The new normal should be about just rolling out with the changes as they are, not hanging on to what use to be. It is what it is, and that is why it is so. You too need to be as the present. Don’t wear yesterday so good that today is completely unhomely. Don’t play catch with your life as though it will benefit you in whatever you hope to achieve. The truth is, it will only widen the gap between your now and hoped for future.

I spent some time reading the book of Isiah this past weekend and Chapter 55 was my focus. As the word kept on the call to go to God with my thirst and hunger, I felt it so challenging to ignore that it is almost like I was being begged to do so. Like if I know what’s good for me, I won’t even consider wasting time. Waste time deciding whether there will be enough for me in God’s table. The waste of time doubting if I’m worthy of being fed. So direct the word underlines that the invitation is still mine to go to Him while he is still available and accessible. So whatever my reasons maybe to not cease the day in whatever changes I may be encountering, I just need to seek the Lord in all those encounters so that I can be content with what is and who I am at that particular time.

The New Normal is all about building you up no matter how low or hardened your being is subjected to. If the Lord is still accessible and near, why focus on staying hungry or thirsty when He clearly has every means to provide for you? This post is meant to empower you to embrace what’s new, especially what is circumstantial and not as you wanted. The most growth in character is found in this kind of changes. The unexpected, unwarranted, unwanted and unavoidable is meant to build you up.

As you invest in your Self-Care regimes, be sure to be real about what is and who you are constantly having to discover about yourself. When you do this, it gives you confidence in your sense of self for you are nothing but true to where you are and how you got there.

The changes you are going through Matter. Learn to embrace them!

Regards

livhuwasha