The Power of Time for Self (Me-time).

I am a hot full-bathtub person, after many long days that life usually presents. Intentionally so,  this has become my me-time routine, especially when I’m at home. Being a mother of three toddlers has taught me to make it a priority to choose the quiet in the middle of some productive chaos that comes with guiding young lives. At first, I thought this kind of self-care investment was somewhat selfish as I often had to bravely tell my family members, “It is my time”. I would even think the nanny must think I’m a bad mother.  It can be a self-judgment moment as you are exposed and vulnerable to someone who is essentially there to kind of stand in for you as a mother, so intimate,  in your own home. However,  I have grown to realize how much this kind of act empowered my emotional stability and that of my family too. They have come to support it even. The rested and peaceful me on the other side of that thirty to forty-five minutes long of just me and some very loud podcast, music, or series to set me off to a different atmosphere is powerful. My elder kids seem to encourage it lately, as they courageously even counsel the little one to relax for mommy is coming back soon. My son even prepares the bath for me sometimes. He knows the right amount of foam bath to add on, to the kind of water temperature I prefer. This was how he helped Mommy on her last pregnancy.  I am grateful.  

The Coming through of it all…

On the other side, my time for myself has also come through in choosing to watch or listen to something else than what others in my space are indulging. From going out for breakfasts on my own or choosing to miss out on that outing with others so I can just be home alone for a few hours has been a thing of self-care. It has come through in me firmly to making my own time for exercise, the way I feel my body can handle, and not follow what is on trend. In the choice of a hairdresser, I want a place of such grooming as well. This is in particular,  for I am a haircut kind of lady, and so I would often default to the father of my kid’s choice of salon for his hairdressing routines. A lot of these little affirmative acts are big for me because I lived for a long time very unaware of the freedom of choice and individuality I deserve even if I’m a family person. This kind of orientation of being about family life can make you think you do not matter unless it involves others in the family. As a wife and mother, choosing yourself is not easy if you are the kind that values serving and being hands-on. If you have some trauma of childhood neglect and no emotional support,  it is even an anxious moment to act in this way while surrounded by loved ones. Simply because you would be advocating an act that seems as though you are neglecting your loved ones yourself, when you choose some time to your liking. Even at my workplace,  though it is healthier to reinforce a healthy boundary of self-preservation from what office politics presents,  there are times when I would expose myself to some drama just to try and fit in and inter-relate. However,  I have also grown to not be that hard on myself in this regard.  It is a draining exercise to intentionally exhaust oneself in unpleasant conditions for the sake of putting up a front for teamwork. Employee health and wellness are there for a reason, with toxicity in professional environments being a major issue to our health, especially mentally. The power of choosing a time to/for self has come through for me such that I am comfortable with being misunderstood or judged for not always echoing to unnecessary gatherings just because they are what everyone else around me likes. From refusing to work more hours than I have to for the sake of money, to avoiding calls from work on my rest days, it all is part of loving myself enough. I do not have a problem eating my lunch alone, or randomly jogging alone in a place where others are showing up in groups.  This is a powerful health move for me.

Self-awareness benefits  

My me-time has also made me aware of some of my toxic traits which I can always take a break from. I overly interact with others in trying to help and support their vision,  commitments,  and lives at times. There is a very visible line between caring for others and imposing such care on them. In my case, I often would be caught imposing, coming from an unhealthy undertone of trying to fill a void from when I was rejected and neglected.  Meaning,  it would be about needing to be accepted,  approved, and recognized rather than caring and supporting.  The meaning of it is people pleasing. There is nothing healthy about this. Me-time has come to complement my journey of self-awareness of the need to self-love first , especially this year.  This translates to pleasing, accepting,  supporting,  helping, and empathizing with self more. The value of this has come through for me beautifully even though it isn’t an easy process to undergo. It is reaping the rewards of discipline and the discovery of a healthier, peaceful, and joyful self. Proud to say, where it is influencing,  it often comes through as epiphanies ever so humbling. Take my kids to be specific,  nothing humbles me more than to see them express themselves freely when they go through their emotions and life in general at their age. When a child suggests time to rest, that you do not need to worry too much or talk about how they prayed after having a nightmare to fall back to sleep _ you get the sense as a parent that they are practicing what you are preaching, presenting, and modeling as a life that is of awareness of spiritual,  mental,  and physical care, and many other things(SELF-CARE) is fruitful. I make sure to be clear that everyone matters in their own way. I do not always get it through as it should be if I am being honest. I am always on a journey to learn and grow myself.  The truth, however, is that I am better off for I am doing something about it with intention and awareness. It is in my best interest to live this way. Therefore, it is by faith, hope, trust, and love that it would translate to those around me encouragingly and positively as well.

Some Circumstantial Anxiety

I will put it out there bravely as the festive season is approaching.  There are a lot of toxic traditions that many of us will expose ourselves to in the name of being part of a community. There are a lot of things that will be said and go unsaid for the sake of peace and a good time.  This presents a lot of circumstantial anxiety. Many commitments for the holidays will haunt us from the onset of the beginning of the year to follow as an aftermath if we do not remember “to self-care”. There will be a lot of triggering moments to come against good habits we may have developed from our different intentional healing processes throughout the year.  The continuous work-in-progress reality goes forgotten for a while as we try to fulfill a need that at least we’ve accomplished something throughout the year. There will be a lot of projecting and gaslighting that will go unchallenged.  The effects are always there soon enough.  There are things we can prevent and presently deal with. But, there are some things we may not be in control of, aware of, or even ready for. It is all a part of existing. And, it all matters to a degree that best suits an aware self. The unaware at times are in the most trouble. At least, this is what I have experienced and learn from. I believe the actively involved in self-care are in a better place for these kinds of life occurrences, the kind that makes any of us vulnerable to anxiety. However, the unaware are also at a certain opportunity to gather life-changing moments as well. It is imperative to understand and accept, that nothing is ever as black and white for anyone.  At least,  that is what I believe.

Recognition of Communal Me-time

There is a me-time that involves the people I believe and trust adding value to my most authentic self. The most obvious kind is wherein I intentionally prioritize time to spend with family. The kind I will compromise most things for and cater to that very qualitative environment.

I will take that leave from work to be present. This me-time extends an appreciation to an appointment with others for specific social needs to be met. It can be my therapy sessions, meetings with acquaintances, fellowship at church, or school meetings such as the kind that is to breathe in healthy energy to my humanity. Deposits to what makes me carry and lay out my different responsibilities, commitments, and wishes. Whether is to celebrate, praise, pray, rest, chill, mourn, or even resolve, release, and reconcile _ this kind of me time is a must. This is the kind of time my self-care investments meet up with chances to be tested. Wherein,  this betterment of self can be realized or challenged as I interact with others. I trust that this matters a lot as well. You cannot be about self-care and think it means no need for community-based care. Such is about living, caring, and loving life!

Life Happens

As the festive season is upon us and end-year fatigue makes it even more of an anxious matter for most of us(owing a lot to do right before a lot of resting time comes through), to conclude that such is life is important.  Also, in acknowledging this, you may even find some self-management ways to cope. I have been exercising a lot to try and keep up. And, I am as well doing this to maintain a balance between my physical and psychological needs considering my mental health challenges. There is a therapy session due as well,  for me. I have so much to heal from still as far as this season goes. A lot of triggers make me shiver throughout.  Professionally, conditions also make it difficult to spend a part of my time for leisure as I am an essential worker. The irregularities that come with this hustle of mine need some serious mindfulness and planning. A change of management in my workplace is not making things easy. I have in the past considered the needs of others first to try and make up for it with loved ones. But, since my mental breakdown last year, I have been trying to do things differently this year. One of the things I have to be mindful about is myself as a loved one as well. It Matters, I Matter.

Graceful and Grateful Times

To be alive is a matter of privilege, a blessing.  So much that matters is lost so fast without our control. As you take care of your spirit, praying about it is always worthwhile.  I trust in the power of prayer as a worthy me-time investment.  And, I will share some phrases from one of my many written prayers to concede this piece.

To the Lord in Prayer

...the continuous prayer is that you keep leading me, especially when I fail to understand.  I pray you free me, where I am feeling stuck. Embrace me where I’m at my loneliest.  Channel me where I am lost and confused.  It is in you, I trust. Help me hold on to that trust, that all things are working out for my good. I am in my surrendering season.  All my vulnerabilities,  my limitations, and cares, may it be you who place, shape, and take. I pray that all my efforts to do better please you.

So be it 🙏

#youmatter #grow #selfdevelopment #selflove #authentic #prayerchangesthings #pray #spiritualgrowth #timeforself #selfcarejourney #selfawarenessjourney #selfacceptancejourney  

Regards

Livhuwasha