Thee Uninvited and Detestable Company; Acne!

Created in his image, loved and highly favored. From my tender ages, that is what I have been told in many ways. The blessings in my life also reassures the belief I have, that it is so. It is all so positive and wonderful. This truth is freeing and comforting, like the comfort and freedom we feel when surrounded by good friends. The company we keep is so influential, and at times, we find ourselves influenced in the most unattractive ways. This is exactly how Acne made me feel from when I was a teen to this day, every now and then. It is “unwanted” company influencing my view on self-image. Let us find out how the influence is.

I can say that, the endless advise from expects and non-expects on what I should use and should not use keeps coming, they never stop, just like the acne itself. Can you imagine the confusion this must have caused when I was younger? Firstly, coming from where I am from, you bath using whatever soap provided at home. You eat what your parents have managed to secure. There is also more important matters in life to be preoccupied by. This however, did not stop the abundance of advises you never asked for concerning the blemish on your face. The recommendation of using eggs and lemon is a classic. Understand that eggs are not a luxury for me, never have and never will. The assumptions thrown at me that maybe is in the foods I eat from the unqualified dietitians was at large. The green bar soap suggestions. The project you become to so many people, whether they are of close relations or not. I have to mention the advertisements on television that make it seem like there is instant solution to this facial skin imperfections and that it will work for you just like it did on the “model’s face”. The awkwardness you feel paired with anxiety that everyone is looking at your acne and not you as you carry on with life. Because, it does goes on whether you have acne or not, that is life. Did you relate to this? Please breathe!

As I navigate life with the complications that come with being a young adolescent, time did not stop like my acne. I use to have the ease and joy of having my sister braid my hair, and every now and then, the braids would be on my face, hanging. It was a cover up I guess. It happened that at a certain stage, my hair stopped growing at the back, so this was another inherited friend I never wanted and certainly did not ask out. I thought it was because I cut my hair a lot, but now that I am older; my reasoning was flawed, since it still never grows. The first time I bought a face product, it was not even, what I thought I was buying. It also took a while to realize this. I think I bought a face wash but used it as a cream, or the other way round. My first roommate from Varsity can attest to this. If you know her, ask. As I write this, I am laughing at myself. This is how freeing my truth has come to be, concerning this matter.

The truth, my truth, has certainly liberated me from many things as far as self-image is concerned. It surely took time and a whole lot of acceptance. I have used many products over the years trying to overcome; I can say 97.8 % of them did not make a difference. You need to understand that is just me making sure you know that I still have not found the perfect solution in cosmetics. Instead, I found a very reliable friend in self-awareness/acknowledgement/acceptance and love. I managed to find a sense of pride in knowing that I made it this far in life with this uneven-toned face and even managed to find it to be an authenticity in me that I approve. I have learned to look at myself in the mirror and see my gorgeous eyes first, as well as dental works that make my smile charming. My dimples are surely getting more of my attention. I got lovely eyebrows that are full, and a reminder of my humble beginnings, black spots that only a filter in a camera can hide for I have yet to find the guts to even apply too much foundation or make-up to “that point”. I hope you get the point I am alluding here. I like make-up but I love being able to know that my face is breathing fine hey!

It is all coming to the matter of having found a sense of ease when it comes to my self-image. I can confidently say that I am and feel beautiful when I look at myself in the mirror. I do not shrink when I step out in the morning with my oily- bear face. Given the love I have for myself, I like knowing that I am presenting myself in the best way as possible. Based on my mood, I do put on makeup. The way I value myself in this time of my life affirms that I do not wear it to hide my acne. I wear it because I can and it is definitely fun. The time it took to get to this salvation observed, I should mention that I only started enjoying myself over make-up enhancements this year, at 32. I have been skeptical most of my past life. It was not even easy to find the right make up because I was having internal conflict that I am being fake. The “others” who tend to make those who wear makeup feel this way did not help either. I am no longer at war with those kinds of judgement. It feels good to look not of an even-toned face hey, especially when I take pictures (Lol). It is fun. Make-up is fun. Anyone who loves it and is denied this experience because they are told it makes them fake, please liberate yourself. Clearly, it is not about you, it is about the “others”. You others, check yourselves; do not approach this matter with such a limited thinking.

I am trying to ease the mind of anyone who is having mind battles due to any other imperfection (s) on their body just as I do. It could be the scarce hairline, a scar or just the skin tone you feel is an injustice. All I know is that, there is more to your being than your imperfections. Liberate yourself from the few things that suggest otherwise, especially what is considered as perfect in the eyes of another. The only one whose perfection you need to explore can be found in the imperfections you have been living with. This is a fact, you are living with the imperfections, fully, like a human that you are. Kindly invest in this kind of Self-Love, it Matters, You Matter!

You are beautiful. Fearfully and wonderfully made. Look at my picture. You can only try to take my radiance away from me. As you can see, I am still not "perfect looking" but I sure feel like it.

Regards

Livhuwani